Ok, so I've spent the afternoon and evening obsessing over The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It totally feels like I'm living a Twilight Zone epidsode. Anyway, I just got off the phone with Dolce Carina, who I love more than anyone else in the world right now, and I ate Stoffer's French Bread Pizza for dinner. The thing about it is this: I've been eating a lot of frozen foods lately, and that's just not like me. I mean, normally, I enjoy cooking, and I consider myself a pretty good cook, but lately I just have like zero appetite, so all I can really work myself up to is a meager salad and / or whatever I can throw in the oven at 350 for 25 minutes. And I'm trying to make myself eat. But really, is french bread pizza and bad Merlot really better than no dinner at all? But I went grocery shopping over the weekend, you know, to stock up on frozen foods so that I'd actually eat something this week. And there I was in the check-out line, and I felt like saying to the guy behind me, the bag girl, whoever, "No, you don't understand. This isn't me. I normally don't eat like this--frozen stuff and Romaine." But I didn't say anything. I felt pretty sheepish though.
But I talked to Carina about it, and she, who is chef extrodinare, made me feel much better about what I was eating. So maybe it's OK after all. I don't know. More than anything, it makes me thankful for friends. I know that I can call her, and that whatever I'm doing, she'll make me feel like I, as a person, am OK. Does that make sense.
So Carina, if you read this, just know that I love you and that you've saved me from insanity, at least for now.
2 comments:
you are so loved back!
and i know the feeling--wanting to explain to a complete stranger something that probably seems perfectly normal to him but is so not normal to you and you just want to reconcile the two and let him know that really, this is just a bump in the road and this is how i need to cope right now.
pizza: loads of calcium and protein in the cheese, lypocene (which i'm not sure exactly what that is but i'm seeing it a lot and 'high lypocene' stamped on tomatoes--i think it's some super antioxidant or something) and vitamin c in the tomatoes, wheat in the bread. and the wine, i mean come on everyone knows how good wine is for you (even cooking light had a feature on how to incorporate more alcohol into your life!)
if it makes you feel better i lived on krispy kremes, a&w cheeseburgers and albertson's macaroni and cheese when i was preggers.
and lately, i'm no chef extraordinaire. it's a big deal that around here we're not having cereal for dinner every night anymore.
but here's the thing--life's just more complicated now. for me, for you, for anyone whose growing up. you know what i mean? you don't just have papers to grade anymore and seminars to show up to but classes to teach, prep, plan, and all the responsibilities that come with tenure--not to mention now being a scholarly expert in your field and dealing with damn textual changes (which i'd be horrified over as well!). then there's life--i don't know, i still wish i could go home and let my mom take care of me--and we have to be big adults and deal with love and loss. and the million little things that happen every day that make us happy and frightened and terrified to be alive--sometimes independently, sometimes all at once.
right now you're staying afloat, you're treading water and trying to figure out what to grab on to next. but you've got a lot places to go and in the meantime you're doing a damn fine job making do on the island!
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