Oh, and next time I'm in CA, I really, really, really want to visit the La Brea Tar Pits.  I've been before and all, but I just really want to go again.

Thursday Thirteen: Personal Anthems

I haven't done the Thursday Thirteen in AGES.  But this morning on the way to work, I realized that there is this whole set of song which, when I sing them at the top of my lungs, make me feel somehow better.  And I decided that a list of such songs would work for the T13.  I have to say that "personal anthems" doesn't really seem like an appropriate term for this list, but I can't think of anthing better.  So here we have it:  songs which, when I sing them, automatically make me feel better.  They work best sung as loud as possible while driving down the highway, windows down.

1.  Willie Nelson:  "Where the Soul Never Dies"

2.  Creedence:  "Lookin' Out my Backdoor"

3.  The Pixies:  "Here Comes Your Man"

4.  Tom Petty: "Mary Jane's Last Dance," but I'm also big on the one about "you don't know how it feels to be me."

5.  U2: "Stuck in a Momen," but "Mysterious Ways" is right up there

6.  The Beach Boys: "Sloop John B."

7.  Dusty Springfield: "Son of a Preacher Man"

8.  Aerosmith: "Rag Doll."  I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but for a while my "party trick" was knowing (and singing) all the lyrics to this particular song.

9.  The Beatles: "Here Comes the Sun"

10.  The Specials: "Enjoy Yourself"

11.  REM:  "The End of the World."  Oh, but I am also quite fond of "Superman."

12.  ABBA:  "Take a Chance on Me"

13.  The Eagles: "Heartache Tonight."  Oh, and in case I've never told you this, I think "Hotel California" is cursed.  So don't listen to it all the way through.

So things have felt weird lately.  And don't ask me what I mean by "weird."  It's just like everything's been a little off, you know?  So maybe I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I've been reading some of the _Gossip Girl_ novels, and boy are they bad.  Really, really bad on just about every conceivable level.  Seriously, these novels have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, as far as I can see.  Of course, the logical question at this point is why am I reading them.  And I can't really even say why.

Also, adding I think to my general feeling of weirdness is that on Tuesday, I attempted to explain literary postmodernism to my students.  And I can never really define or explain postmodernism in a way that really works.  So I always resort to just looking at some examples, and I think it works, but I am never quite sure.  And so we spend all this time looking at _The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales_, which is OK because it's a children's lit class and stuff.  But I guess I feel unsure.

More later about general weirdness.

Degrassi

OK, have I mentioned that over the past year or so, I've watched a ridiculous number of Degrassi episodes?  It's so, so bad on so many levels, and yet, it's like I can't stop watching.  Here's a break down for those of you who may not know what Degrassi is.  There are several incarnations of Degrassi, the most recent being Degrassi: The Next Generation.  But basically, it was a series first produced in the late 1980s and early 90s in Canada.  The program apparently received subsidies from the Canadian government and ran in the States on PBS at that time.  The Kids of Degrassi Street was followed by Degrassi Junior High and finall, predictably, but Degrassi High.  The series was resurrected as Degrassi: the Next Generation, which is now on season 8, I think.  Currently, The Next Generation (which sounds Star Trek-y but isn't) runs in syncdication on the cable network The N but also elsewhere, such as my local Fox station.  Episodes are available on hulu and can be streamed from Netflix, if anyone is interested.

I guess that originally, the show was conceived of as dealing with "issues" that face the real teenager:  drugs, alcohol, sex, unwanted pregnancy, all the things that "real" teens in the "real" world apparently deal with.  It was supposed to be a realistic look at being a teen, as opposed to the more sugar-coated representations that were available.  Anyway, one result of this is that we have a limited cast, maybe 12 teens, who deal with an inordinate amount of problems.  Seriously, I hope that no one teen has to face as many problems / issues / drugs / cases of sexual assault as any one of the teens on The Next Generation faces.  There's a truly soap opera quality to the whole thing, IMO.

Anyway, I cannot at all figure out why I find this compelling.  I mean, I tend to read and watch a lot of pretty trashy media aimed at preteens and teens (I tell myself that I need to keep up, as part of professional development or something, but really I find it relaxing!)  But why am I drawn to this nonsense, which in no way reflects my own experience of junior high or high school.  What I'm trying to say is that I'm pretty sure it's not about nostalgia.  Nor are the issues dealt with in a particularly interesting way.  For all the attempt at being progressive, it strikes me as a repackaging of hetero-normative, white, middle class values and lives.  In fact, when I went to a conference a couple of weeks ago, I went to a panel dealing with Degrassi, and one of the papers I heard explored this very topic--the ways in which, although the teens have sex, the representations of promiscuous females is really NOT terribly progressive. 

One thing I do like about the earlier episodes, even of The Next Generation, is that the males do, for the most part, look very much like average, teen males, often complete with acne and a physical awkwardness that seem authentic.  The producers seem to be using more of the beautiful people in the more recent episodes.  And on the whole, the females are more attractive than the males.  Is this sending the message that it's more acceptable for males to be somewhat unattractive but that females have to be pretty all the time?  I don't know.  I'd like to see more average-looking women with leading roles.  I guess that's not going to happen. 

I am not sure where I'm going with this post.  Maybe it's just this:  long before Gossip Girl, the Canadians depicted teens partying, sleeping around, and living with little adult guidance or even interaction. 

Oh and one more thing:  Have I mentioned that there are days when all I really want is to be in So Cal?

OK, I'm sitting here eating a hot, toasted, buttered bagle, thinking that I really should post more often.  Everything's just felt so crazy lately.  And it's like I have ZERO motivation to actually get anything done, particularly work-related stuff.  And I know that when I feel this way, writing--blogging, journaling, even e-mailing--often helps me feel more grounded.  So yeah.  There are only three weeks of class left in our semester--and I guess that's good.  I mean, in some ways, I'm so "over" it, so ready to be done.  But in others, it feels overwhelming, like there's so much to be done in so little time.  I am looking forward to simply having some time off, to having time for other stuff.  I feel like my house is a totally mess, and my yard needs some serious attention.  But really, I'm thankful just to have a yard.  I don't know--I've been feeling weird about things lately, like there's something missing from my life, but I can't totally put my finger on what it is, although I have my suspicions!  And it feels like there's really nothing I can do about it anyway.  And so I just try not to think about it, you know?  Seriously, I just never really featured myself as a "career woman."  And what really gets to me are those people (some of you know the types) in the church who are all critical of "career women" and who would probably say that my personal problems stem from my choosing of a career over marriage.  And that really gets to me because I didn't choose career over marriage and family.  I can honestly say that I never one put career above those things.  I've just tried to make the best of the hand I've been dealt (metaphorically speaking), even if it's not the hand I would have chosen for myself.  And sometimes, I want to say to people, "Look, instead of the criticism, how about extending a little kindness and understanding."  I mean, really, I kinda always assumed I'd end up like just about everyone else I know, living a quiet life as a homemaker in suburbia, spending time with family, attending my same little chuch, the one I grew up in.  And it just didn't work out that way for me.  And it's not that I'm not content with my lot in life; it's just that it's really, really hard sometimes.  And I feel like so few people get that.  There are times when I want to say, "Umm. . . .a little help?"  But there's no one to ask for help.  It gets overwhelming.  And even now, after 5 years, there are still nights when I miss J. so much that I cry myself to sleep.  Wow!  When I started typing, I had no idea I'd get into all this--guess it's what I needed to say just right now.

To Tweet or Not To Tweet

So I've been debating about getting aboard the Twitter Train.  My hesitations?  It seems somewhat self indulgent--I mean does anyone really need updates of what I'm doing every 30 minutes?  Also, I'm afraid it's just another way to waste time.  And do I need that?  I spend FAR too much time on the internet and such as it is.  At the same time, there's something appealing about "tweeting," I have to say.  I like the idea of little updates popping up here, on my bloggy, or even on my new Facebook page.  And yes, I got sucked into Facebook; I'm blaming A.H. for this.  I saw him last week, and he seemed to think I needed to be on Facebook.  And of course, I always do what he says.  Haha.

Anyway, if you have thoughts either way, I'd love to hear them.

And now for something completely different:  allegedly, there are major changes coming to YouTube.  It sounds like there pushing aside the "You" in favor of more TV/movie/advertising driven content.  That sux.

Some People Never Learn. . .

And by "some people," I mean me.  This is not the first time I've had this SNAFU.  It's not even the first time this semester.  And it's all totally, totally my fault.  So this afternoon, I left work kinda early-ish with the intention of coming home and grading tests for two sections of the same class (this is maybe about 45 tests).  Anyway, I have a tote bag that is dedicated just for totin' around work stuff--papers and tests to be graded, books to work on prep, that sort of thing.  And I was convinced that I had my 45 Touchstones tests in my tote bag.  I even looked to make sure my grading scale thingy was in the tote bag.  And I *saw* a bunch of papers.  But guess what.  I just finished some other work, opened up the tote bag, and the tests aren't there.  I left them at work.  So since I promised the students I'd have them for tomorrow morning's class, I have two choices:  I can hop in the car and drive the 30-miles, round trip, and go get the tests to grade this evening, or I can go into work really early, like at 6:00, tomorrow morning.  Oi.

Ok, so 9:15 on Thursday morning.  As soon as I finish this post, I'm going to start working on my conference talk.  I don't know why, but it's like I have to write myself into writing.  Did that make sense?  Yesterday was a good day in terms of getting work done.  As a reward, I bought some wildflower seeds to sprinkle in the wooded area around the perifery (how do you spell that?) of my lawn.  I'm pretty excited.  Spring in New England is a much bigger deal than in central or southern CA, let me tell you.  I remember my first spring in Vermont thinking, "Oh, I finally get it.  I understand what spring really is."  And seriously, after such a long, cold, relentless winter, spring is a big relief and so joyful all at the same time.  And after it's been in the 20s for so many days 45 or 50 feels really good.  There are days when I take the dogs outside for a potty break, and Guinnie especially just wants to lay on her back in the grass, sunning her belly.  And it's like I know how she feels:  Your enitre being wants to soak up warmth and sun all the way to your bones.  I'm hoping that today it won't rain so that, even if it's only high 50s, I can sit on the deck and read and listen to my iPod.  It's just so wonderful.  Ok, so maybe I should move on to Twilight, which isn't so spring-timey.  In fact, it's set in a particularly dreary part of the Pacific Northwest.  So far, I'm finding the writing of this whole thing less a chore than I was expecting.  And in spite of dispising the novels, I'm rather enjoying thinking about them and analyzing them.  I feel like I'm mostly doing a close reading and that I should have some sort of theoretical framework to which I can refer.  I've never been very good at that.  And I'm sure that the paper will work well enough for this particular conference, so I guess it's fine, but I kind feel like it's really not much more than a glorified undergrad paper.  Glorified only in the sense that I do speak with authority.  Oy.  What would Eco do?  As you may know, chatting with Umberto Eco is my big fantasy.  Maybe it's like porn for academics--I really don't know.  And normally, I really bristle at the use of "porn" as metaphor anyway.  But seriously, I often think my way into papers or talks or just topics by this whole imaginative game of what Eco would say and what I'd say and how he'd think I'm just dazzlingly clever, or at least "adorable."  (As me later about the whole "adorable" thing.  I'm not sure it belongs on my blog.)  And sometimes I wonder if Eco would be at all weirded out if he learned that he's the nexus of my fantasy, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't think of himself that way.  Ok, I really need to get to work.

More on Twilight

Ok so my goal for the day was to draft four pages of my Twilight paper.  I've got four and one-half.  And I think I'll keep going.  Here's the thing.  As I'm rereading and writing, I'm seeing that the whole thing is just as annoying and insipid and even insidious as I first thought.  For a while there, I was second guessing myself:  Maybe I'm just over reacting--maybe it's not that bad.  But it is.  For me the bottom line is that Edward, no matter how charming and handsome and yummy-smelling he may be, is basically just really controlling of an infantilized Bella.  And it makes me ill.  It makes me ill that 12-year-olds (and I maintain that it's "tweens" who are most at risk and probably most reading all this) are absorbing all these ideas about how relationships should be and how romantic E's devotion to B really is, when he's like the classic abuser.  He tells her what to do, questions her sanity, even ultimately isolates her from her family and friends.  This is so not OK.  And yet, in the context of the novel it's presented as not just acceptable but desirable, the mark of Edward's love.  And as I was writing I realized this:  isn't this the very rhetoric that the abuser uses?  Doesn't he say that he somehow has the right to be controlling because it's in the best interest of the female and because it shows how much he loves her?  Excuse me while I barf!

So here I sit.  It's nearly 10:00 on Wednesday morning.  One of my goals for today is to draft 4 pages (single spaced pages!) of my conference presentation, you know, the one that could accurately be titled "Why Twilight Sux and What It's Doing to Our Young Women."  Oh wait--that wouldn't be academic enough.  I need to throw in terms like "reify" and "Foucault" and "Power" and even "Binary" and "Otherize."  Then it would be fine.  No really, the title is something like "A Veneer of Vampirism: A Feminist Reading of Relationships in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga"  That's pretty good, right?  I guess it begs the question, what's the difference between a saga and a series.  I don't know how to answer that other than to say that I think a "saga" is more overwraught than a series.  But what do I know?  Oh wait, I'm the PhD; I'm supposed to know these things.

So I intended to get an earlier start, like maybe be writing by 7:00.  But I didn't get to sleep until 2:00.  If you are on the West Coast, and your caller ID tells you I called at 9:45, your time, which would be 12:45 mine, it's because I had wicked-bad insomnia last night.  So I allowed myself the luxury of sleeping in.  I mean, what's the point of spring break otherwise?  So here it is--nearly 10:00 and I haven't started.  And seriously, I'm thinking about going out for a bagel in a minute.  Because I'm pretty sure I have nothing breakfast-y on hand.  And how can a gal work without breakfast?

So here are my goals for the day:

1.  Draft 4 pages of my Twilight thingy
2.  Write up a budget for April
3.  Balance and rectify my checkbook
4.  Pay bills
5.  Return library materials due today!
6.  Mail DVDs to NetFlix so that I have something to watch over the weekend

I think those are manageable, right?  OK, now for that bagle. . .