So earlier this afternoon, all I felt like I wanted to do was to watch some TV. I hate it when this happens: I turn on the TV, and I guess I should have known this, but the only thing on, partly on account of I only really get one channel, is golf. Now, I suppose golf is fine and all, but I'm not really interested in watching it. And what really gets me is that it's some tournament in Shell Beach or Carmel or something, one of those courses right on the ocean (is that what "links" referrs to? I can't remember), so not only was it a sport that I wasn't interested in watching, it was gorgeous and near the ocean, and it just made me want to be in California, not stuck here in dumb old Vermont. I shouldn't complain; at least we didn't get the big Noreaster that dumped a bunch of snow on New York City, and at least a week from today I will be in California, maybe on the coast if I'm lucky. Still it was a weird, upsetting kind of disappointment. You know, it's the kind of disappointment that makes me wish I had a big soy latte and biscotti. Maybe I'll make myself a latte, only I think the steamer attachment is clogged up, and it seems like so much trouble to clean it. All I want right now is to be somewhere else. I know that I tend to gripe a lot, but itsn't that what a blog is for? so that I can vent these things in a safe environment, rather than take them out on the people I live with (I guess I should say, "rather than take them out on the dogs I live with" on account of I live alone with the dogs.) Maybe this is my problem--maybe it's just general lonliness. It's true that since moving here, I feel so very far from the people that I care about most and want to spend time with. Sometimes I feel stupid for having made the decision that I have made--to move here and all. But what's done is done, I suppose. We don't usually get second chances, do we? I should stop now and go make that latte before I get all upset.

Have I mentioned that the new iPod is just wonderful? I'm convinced that next weekend, my whole airplane experience will be much better than ususal on account of the whole iPod. I'm actually kind looking forward to it, which is unusual for me. I hate flying and wish I could avoid it. And my method, quite honestly, is to simply get myself to the airport safely and then immediately take a Xanax to sedate me for the whole flying thing. I've had therapists tell me that it has to do with not feeling in control. That may be it. But I think it's more than just that. It isn't just lack of control. I feel clostrophobic, and then I start to have this weird fear of having a panic attack (ironically, that tends to be one of those self-fulfilling prophesy deals. SIDE NOTE: I hate when people, my students mostly, mean "prophet" but write "profit." It makes me want to scream.) Anyway, enough of that. And now about that latte. . .