On Blogging (is this part 2? 3?)

So after a month of pretty regular blogging, I want to make some oberservations. Blogging is like screaming into a vacuum, only better. Screaming into a vacuum means that one can say whatever she wants, and there's no need to fear the reactions of others. I mean, vacuum implies that there's no one there to be offended or hurt or scandalized. There's no one there to criticize, so one can say whatever she wants or needs to say that day. And screaming into a vacuum means that it's the act of articulating the thing that is important, because it matters not whether anyone hears and understands. In fact, no one will. So I find this blog deal very liberating. I feel free to just say, "Ok, so here's what I'm thinking and feeling today." Sometimes it's good; sometimes it's crappy. But the very act of saying it and saying it without reservation is therapeutic, is helpful, but most importantly for me, it's a way of knowing. It's a way of discovering and then affirming, "Yeah, this really is what I think, at least right now."

But it's even better than the whole vacuum metaphor because people do actually care. Well, some people do. I know that C. reads what I write. And I assume that sometimes she and others are annoyed by my sanctimonious tone or my whining or my clear self-absorption. But she cares. I can feel this different kind of connection to her, to the world.

So the thing is I'm feeling so liberated to be myself and say what I need to say about the world. But I also feel supported and wanted and loved. Isn't this what most of us want in life? For me, it's certainly a big step towards a healthier emotional state.

Which reminds me, some day soon, I should write about my healthy emotional state. I'm so proud, quite honestly, of the progress I've made. I haven't had a full-blown panic attack in months and months, in spite of extreme stress.