Thursday Thirteen: What I Would Do If I Weren't Afraid

Prologue: Here's a great Thursday Thirteen from Zee--Thirteen Turkey Techniques. And I like this topic, what I'd do if I weren't afraid, in part because J.C.'s mantra is, "What Would I Do If I Weren't Afraid?" and she's a totally inspiration to me.

So here goes. . .

1. I'd go on the job market and see what happens. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job. I mostly enjoy what I do. But I'm thinking more and more that I'm just not very good at being a Vermonter. And I'm continually discouraged about my paycheck.

2. I'd move somewhere fun and sexy and interesting, or at least somewhere that felt like home. Again, I think there are lots of great things about Vermont. But I'm lonely. And, as I look towards winter, I realize that I just really don't like the cold.

3. I'd travel, see new places, experience new things. This seems important somehow. And yet, it never happens. Of course, money is always a problem--see #1 above.

OK, I'm having a hard time getting to 13 here. Does that mean that mostly I'm doing what I want to do?

4. I'd go to church. I'd go back to church--that's the more accurate way to say it. I'd become involved in a church. But for some reason (well, really for lots of reasons), it's so bound up in anxiety and hurt that I can't seem to do it. I have to admit that I'm really ashamed about this one.

5. I'd take sewing risks. I'd go for it and refashion old thing and sew new things and wear them all proudly, because they were mine.

6. I'd commit to Weight Watchers. I think that I haven't, at least for the past 9 months or so, really given it a shot because I'm afraid I'll fail. And when I fail, I'll have to feel bad about myself, like a failure. So I guess it's easier not to try. I know this isn't logical for any number of reasons. And yet I keep not trying, keep just ignoring it all.

7. I'd make an effort to establish new relationships here in Vermont. This is a hard one for me. I have social anxiety. And I worry that people won't like me; here, I guess I'm bound up in past rejection. Or I worry that I just won't be able to do it somehow. It's like, outside of my colleagues, I don't even know how to meet people any more.

8. I'd consider other career options. I don't know that I'd want to totally switch careers; maybe I would, maybe not. But I'd allow myself to think about it and seriously research it. I mean, I know that I'm mostly competent and that I'm a pretty good employee. And logically, I know that there are a number of things I'd probably be good at. But I don't know what those are right now.

Ok, now I'm really thinking I'll never get up to 13. Maybe I'll have to come back to this later.

9. I'd learn something new, take classes at the college maybe. I'd take art classes, or ballroom dancing, or anything that's simply different and outside of my usual realm of experience.

I got to 9! That's more than half of 13, and I'm good with that. Nine is more than I anticipated when I started typing. And sometimes good enough is good enough.

Oh, 10. I'd commit to find ways to make myself more content, to make my life full and fulfilling, to be a healthier person.

Ennui

Lately, I've been feeling this general ennui, with the except of the hours when I'm really able to concentrate on working, which is maybe the most fulfilling part of each day. But there's this pall of ennui, of general lethargy. I want to feel energy, to feel like the creative self that I actually like being. On and I do realize that this larger ennui is probably related to the lack of style I discuss below. And yet, I don't know just now, how to get beyond any of it. But what I'm REALLY trying to get to is this: nearly every day, I think, I really should blog (of course, labeling anything "should" is really just a guarantee that one probably won't actually do whatever it is). And I think, I really want to blog. Or, I really would enjoy blogging. See, it's more than just a should. But I don't. I just realized that this is my first post in weeks. And I don't even quite know how that happened, because it's truly something that I enjoy and find somehow nurturing. Maybe that's at the heart of it all--maybe I'm just not bothering to take care of myself lately. I don't know anymore. But maybe this is the important thing: I'm here now. I'm posting now. Oh, by the way, I really kind of like the word "ennui." I mean it's almost like onomatopoeia or something. I mean, something about the word sounds like the thing is means, or the emotive connotation that the word means. I feel the same about the word "skank."

Ok, so I hereby resolve to work through this ennui. Or at least figure out how to do it (and yes, I do have an appointment to see a new therapist in a few weeks!. Or at least to start taking care of myself. Every time I speak to my grandfather on the phone, he says that he hopes I'm taking care of myself and reminds me that if I don't take care of myself, no one will. I do know that the bottom like there is that 1) he loves me and 2) he's right. So I'll do it.

A New Look

You may or may not notice that I've a new look (which is really a comfortable, old look) for my blog. This is indicative, I think, of my desire for a new "look" for myself. The past six months or so, I've just suddenly felt so frumpy! And I can't quite figure out why I feel so frumpy (is it because I'm feeling so chunky? because the clothes I like don't fit the way they used to?), but I do. I mean, I'm no big fashionista or anything. But I used to do my hair and put on funky eyeshadow and wear fun, funky clothes, and I felt good about myself, about how I looked. I mean, I felt like I had this fun, funky, interesting, sometimes cute look. And I felt good about myself. And that has just somehow fallen by the wayside. Is this some weird result of depression? Or am I just growing up and becoming less superficial? I don't think that's it, because I still want to feel like I look cute and fun. Evidence (and Zee can testify), at least one morning a week, I do march into work and say, "Hey, look at my fun socks," to at least one person. And I guess that I want to get to that place where I'm having fun with my appearance and being creative with my appearance and feel like I look cute--here I concede that what I consider cute others may consider ridiculous, stripey knee socks, for instance. And that's Ok--I mean if most of the rest of you think it's silly or just don't get it or whatever, that's fine. But I still want to feel like I'm being creative in this way and like I'm being true to my own sense of style. And that's just not happening lately.

So what's the solution to all this? I can't figure it out. Is it just as simple as losing weight? Or is there more to it? Or is it as simple as getting a new hair cut and actually styling it before going to work in the morning? Or is it as simple as buying a few really basic but wonderfully fitting wardrobe items, you know, basic things that I can wear all the time and that make me feel really good when I put them on? I don't know what the solution is, and I suspect that it's not anything terribly simple. Maybe it's just that I'm slowly but surely secumbing to being a Vermonter--yikes! I hope that's not it. I just can't get a handle on this, and it's making me feel more discouraged.

Back to Work

After a hiatus (a somewhat working hiatus) of just over 10 days, I'm back to work. And I'm ready; it's good to be back; I'm ready for structure and a schedule. However, this morning, I had a rude reminder of several things. One: the college doesn't bother to turn on the heat until after mid-October. Consequently, it's below 60 in my office. I'm not exaggerating! But I am freezing. Two: a 10-day hiatus means a backlog of e-mail. Ick! I spent far too much time this morning simply hitting the delete button in my e-mail program. Three: although I grumble about the pay, I really do enjoy my job. I get to spend my time reading and writing and talking about all kinds of fascinating things each day. I remember one of the first college-level literature classes I taught, and I remember at the end of each three-hour class meeting, thinking, "I can't believe that someone's paying me to do this. I do this all the time with friends just for fun." I suppose that now, grumbling about the low pay demonstrates just how mercenary I've become. But the work is, for the most part, still lotsa fun.

On an unrelated note: Over the weekend, I started reading Anne Sexton. And apparently, she loves (yes, I'll talk about her in the present tense) the palindrome "rats live on no evil star." And that seems like one worth sharing.

Thursday Thirteen: Home from Calgary

Thirteen Things About Being Home from Calgary: Pros and Cons

One: Sleeping in my own bed--a definite pro. I didn't sleep all that well in Calgary, in spite of the frou-frou hotel room. And sleeping in my bed, with my cotton sheets, and the window open to a fall-in-Vermont night is superb.

Two: Getting work done--another pro. I am feeling, in part, inspired by having been around other academics and talking about work and about our ideas (on the flight home, I got to sit next to an interesting conversationalist from U of South Carolina). And as a result, I feel like working! In fact, earlier today, I sent off a draft of an essay that I'd been revising for the last six months. It's not great, but it's done! And this feeling of inspiration brings me to number

Three: Cara--both pro and con. The pro is, of course, that I got to see her and M. in Calgary. The con is that I feel like we didn't get to spend nearly enough time together and that I miss her already. It seems like such a huge thing to have a friend that spurs one on to be a better person and also to have a friend who simply understands.

Four: Guinnie and Polly--pro. I'm just happy to see the pups again!

Five: A.--pro. I definitely missed him while I was away, more than I'd anticipated. And missing someone and being happy to come back home to him counts for something, right?

Six: Reading Elizabeth George--pro. I heard George speak while at the conference, and hearing her talk about her work and her process helped me understand, at least in part, what it is I find appealing about her novels. Namely, her Lynley novels are so much about her characters, characters who are compelling and full. And I'm motivated to keep reading.

Seven: Not eating out--both pro and con. Ok, so I ate some fun food in Calgary. And that was a pro. But I'm now somehow feeling like cooking, like making soup and nesting in that way that the autumn makes me feel.

Eight: Autumn in Vermont--pro. So the foliage was OK in Calgary, certainly more interesting that what I'd see in, say, SoCal, but this is just such a perfect, lovely time in Vermont. And even now, as I'm typing away and gazing out the window, it's like gazing on a scene from a postcard. I suspect that there's no better place to be just now.

Nine: Getting caught up on TV--pro. Ok, I know I watch way too much TV. And it's not like I didn't have access in Calgary. Still, it's nice to sit down and get all caught up on the lastest episodes of House and Dirty, Sexy Money, which could be my new favorite.

Ten: A week off of work--pro. Although I mostly enjoy my job, coming home to a full week off feels like such a luxury, and I can't believe it's already Thursday! But it's so nice to have time for things other than paperwork and meetings and classrooms.

Eleven: Checking e-mail--both pro and con. I'd anticipated having internet access in Calgary, but that somehow didn't happen, which is fine. So I now have a whole backlog of e-mail. And I'm not sure what to do with much of it. On the bright side, I did have at least some fun e-mail to come home to.

Twelve: Time to read and write--pro. Now that I'm back home (back to a wonderfully clean house!) and not having to teach, I have time to read and write in my journal and all the things that I find restorative and replenishing. And it's great to have the luxury of being able to sit and read and read and read and really throw one's self into it!

Thirteen: All the comforts of home--definite pro. Having a fire and a cup of tea and reading long into the night, shuffling around in my bathrobe, taking a long bath in the middle of the afternoon--I love all these things. And it seems to me that these little things are the best parts of home!

Hey, not only did I get to thirteen, but they are almost entirely "pros." The conference was fine, and seeing C. was great, but being home is a good thing.

Rehab, Retreat, Healing, and Yoga

I know that I've been having this conversation in several forms over the past six month or so with those of you whom I know in "real" life. But over the summer, when we kept hearing these news stories about LiLo and Britt going into rehab, especially that cushy rehab, Promises, in Santa Barbara, I kept thinking that I really, really wanted to go to rehab. Not that I necessarily need rehab. Not that I have a substance abuse problem. But the idea of going away and eating healthy foods and reading nurturing stuff and writing in a journal and being away from the day-to-day-ness for a while, just to focus on wellness, on getting healthier (all with a massage therapist on staff!) sounds like just what I need right now. And so I thought about taking a few days for a yoga retreat at Kripalu, which sounds just divine, for their Retreat and Renewal program. And I keep thinking "retreat and renewal" over and over, as though it's a mantra or some sort. Well, Kripalu isn't going to happen for me any time in the immediate future, although I'm promising myself that I will go, if even for three days, sometime in the next year. But this is what I'm trying to get to: I may not need "rehab," but I do need retreat and renewal, even if it's just yoga practice and journal writing with the perfect cup of tea. But I realize that I need regular retreat and renewal in my life, although I'm still trying to figure out what that might look like. I mean, I keep thinking that I want to devote a block of time each week to activites that will contribute to a sense of retreat and renewal. Maybe I need a mini retreat each day. I'm just thinking out loud here, I guess. But it seems important to get these things out.

The Thursday 13, Special Wednesday Edition

My pal Zee has a super blog. And one thing she does is the "Thursday 13" where she composes a list of some sort. And I think it's great fun. And, using Zee as my inspiration, I've decided to inaugurate my own Thursday 13. I'm so excited, however, that I'm going to start today, Wednesday.

As a side note, I always think it's funny when something devoted to a particular day of the week is moved to another day yet retains the title of the day it was originally scheduled for. For example, we sometimes have Monday Night Football, Special Thursday Night Edition. Or when I was teaching at on of the California State Universities, every fall quarter, we would have one Tuesday near the end of the term when we'd run on a Monday schedule. You wouldn't believe how inconvenient and confusing this was.

I am, by the way, borrowing my topics from Segalove and Velick's List Your Self. And so, here I go:


Qualities I Love About Being Human

1. The ability to create: In Genesis, God as Creator, says "Let us make man in our image." When I teach Genesis in my lit class, students always ask what this means. And I've thought about it a lot. I think it means a lot of things. But I think that, in part, it meas that as God is Creator, we too are creators. And whether we believe in God or not, whether we accept Genesis or not, the creative impulse and ability is clearly something that sets humans apart. In her Artist's Way, Julia Cameron talks about this concept. She says that practicing and exercising our creativity is a way to be more closely connected to the divine.

2. The option to love: Now, I'm convinced that animals, or dogs anyway, can and do love. In some ways, I think that a dog's love is more pure than that of most humans. But I'm not sure that dogs can choose not to love. And let's face it--in humans a dog-like love becomes neurosis. But that's what I'm saying. We, unlike, dogs and in some ways choose love, or not. We can opt out. Or we can love whole-heartedly because we choose to love.

3. The ability to appreciate beauty: I'm most struck by this one when I look at the stars. I'm no astronomer (no astrologer either, for that matter); to me stars are there for the sake of sheer beauty.

4. The ability to read: Sometimes, I feel as though books and the characters I know from them are almost more real than some of the people I encounter in real life. I don't know who I'd be if I weren't a reader.

5. The ability to write: Clearly related to the ability to read, the ability to write is, of course, unique to humans. And I'd go so far to say "I write, therefore I am." Or maybe just, "I write, therefore I know myself." Writing, for me, is the way, the only way, to find out what it is I really, truly think and feel and want. And so I fill up journal after journal--I'm fond of both moleskine notebooks and of cheap, marble covered composition books. I write lists; I fume and say all the things I'd never actually say to anyone; I acknowledge my shame and my hurt; and sometimes I write and write and write until I feel better.

6. Having pets: OK, so this may not be a quality that's specifically tied to being human. But I love, love, love my dogs. When writing doesn't work, I cuddle and skwooze Guinn and especially Polly until I feel better. The thing about dogs is that they love in the ways that dogs love. And they're always glad to see you. And the don't hold grudges. Aside from a parent's love for a child, I think that the love of dogs may be the only unconditional love in this world.

7. Cooking: Yes, I'm a "foodie" at heart. I like planning, preparing, consuming, and even talking about food. And cooking so often feels like a truly, fully creative pursuit to me. Maybe this gets back to #1 somehow.

8. Family: I LOVE my family, and I love that my family is a part of my life, although they are far, far away :( But where would we be without them? How could I have become anything in this world without their love and suport?

9. Friends: Do animals have friends? Certainly they often live in groups, and maybe they feel some sort of companionship. But do they have those go-to friends? The ones we know we can call at midnight if we're in the midst of a crisis? The ones who love us at our best but especially at our worst? The ones that we may not talk with for six months, yet we can always somehow pick up where we left off? I'm thinking of JoyBug and Cort from college and C. from now.

Ok, I was aiming for a Thursday 13. And "Thursday 13" sounds great because it alliterates. But I only came up with nine. But it's a start, a place to go, a foundation upon which to build. Hey, did you notice my effort not to end that sentence with a preposition. Oh hey, here's a tenth:

10. Grammar: Yes, how nerdy, I know. But grammar is infinitely interesting and important in my world.

Back to Normal (or something that resembles it!)

I am happy to say that I am finally feeling back to something that resembles normal. And I don't mean normal for normal people but normal for me, because I have to say that I don't really know what normal to normal people feels like. Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday for some other "stuff' ("stuff" is code for female problems, if you know what I mean), and she prescribed Xanax for me. Now, I am well aware that there are all kinds of potential problems associated with Xanax, most of them having to do with addiction. And so I'm careful to use it responsibly. But it really does help. And I took a dose yesterday evening. And I felt soooooo relaxed and slept soooo deeply. And when I woke up this morning, it felt as if my entire emotional and psychological system had been rebooted and reset. And I just feel so much better, so much more optimistic in a healthy, realistic kind of way.

It all reminds me that the whole depression / anxiety spiral is so difficult to claw one's way out of. I think that people who've never felt these things maybe can't understand how hard it all is. And I think it's hard in part because in the middle of it all it seems like there's no point in even trying to feel better--everything seems so hopeless. I realize that's distorted thinking, but it just seems so real when one is trapped in it.

But, at least for now, for today, I'm beyond all that ickiness. And I'm Ok, even hopeful. It's like suddenly I have things figured out, or I at least have some things figured out. I've (finally!) come up with a plan, a workable, practical, yummy plan to eat in a healthier way than I had been. And I'm excited to get to be traveling to Calgary next week. And even the Boca burger that I have planned for dinner sounds pretty darn exciting. It's just such a relief to feel capable and able to deal with life again.

So, yet again, this has been another self-indulgent post. But I'm OK with that.

Update

And so, yet again, I've simply not been posting. And I think that it's really somehow beneficial to me to post, to write regularly. There's not much to say. I feel like I work and work, but that's about all I've been up to lately. Oh, I've been watching some CourtTV and lots of Law and Order. But none of that makes for very interesting blogging. I know that my family thinks that I'm a little too into Court TV. But I disagree. If I can get in 10 or 15 minutes every other day, or so, I'm good. And I'm STILL fascinated by the Phil Spector trial. I have promised myself, however, that once the Spector verdict is in (if there's ever a verdict), that I'll kick the trial-watching habit. I guess that, on reflection, I can see why some claim that I'm a little too invested in these big trials. I do have to say that the current O.J. turn of events holds only a little, tiny bit of interest for me. I have no plans of getting all wrapped up in that.

Oh, so has anyone else heard that next month new episodes of Law and Order: Criminal Intent are premiering on USA and then running on NBC? This is what USA's website indicates. And it seems like a strange move to me.

Anyway, enough of this meaningless babble, I suppose. I should, at least, pretend to work.

Little Miss Matched

Ok, my mother called my attention to the Little Miss Matched brand. And their socks are super cool. I totally LOVE the idea of mismatched but still coordinated socks. This is really the greatest stuff--exactly the sort of thing that I like!

Margery Kempe

I've been (re)reading _The Book of Margery Kempe_ for a class I'm teaching. And the text, although not Margery herself, always feels like an old friend. Margery seems to represent so many things, many of them strikingly modern-feeling. And she is, you know, the first autobiography written in English. Or at least, the oldest text we have that's an autobiography. But even this autobiographyness is remarkably complex and interesting. For Margery herself is, apparently, illiterate. And she cannot speak and write to us directly. Rather she speaks to a scribe (probably a series of scribes) and he tells us her story, almost exclusively in the third person. What does it mean, then, that she doesn't have the agency to write her own story? And is it truly autobiography?

Statler and Waldorf

Ok, one last item:

Click here for a montage of Statler and Waldorf clips.

Enjoy!

Some Favorite Jim Henson Inspired Moments

Inspired by C's recent post, I have been thinking about some of my favorite Sesame Street and especially The Muppet Show moments. And although I probably *should* be working, blogging about Jim Henson and company sounds like much more fun right now. First, I absolutely LOVE when Grover sang "The Monster Song." There's something super-fly about Grover in the first place. And I love the line about "The monster in the mirror, he just might be you." Like isn't it great that we can identify with Grover somehow? Now, on to The Muppet Show. And I absolutely love the Muppet Show, love just about everything about it. Who doesn't love "Mahna, Mahna"? Or what about when they do The Village People's "In the Navy"? I love when the Swedish Chef makes chocolate "moose." You "put the chocolate on the moose," you know. I read recently that Fozzie Bear nearly got the axe after the first season of the show, which makes me sad. Fozzie is so great. Ok, enough for my banal trip down memory lane.

Today's the second day of the semester, but the first day of Tuesday / Thursday classes, so it's really just more first day stuff for me, which really means that it's going to be boring, boring, boring reading over syllabi, explaining policies. Phew! That was a long, poorly constructed sentence. And I was awake at 3:00 this morning. I lay in bed until about 4:15 and have been up ever since. Needless to say, I'm at work very, very early, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Getting dressed was kinda a pain this morning. I had two tops all picked out and planned to wear one or the other. Well, surprise, surprise--neither one fit properly. Seriously, since I've gained weight, my boobs are big enough that none of my button-down shirts fit. It's all pretty annoying. Some days I wish I could just take a break from boobs, could leave them at home for a while. OK, so my apologies to my family and anyone else who objects to hearing about this. It's become a big issue for me lately.

So I'm at work now and should probably settle in and get some stuff read or something. But I thought I'd check in first!

I'm at work. And today is Tuesday. And classes start Monday. Which means that I have less than a week to get my act together. So, I really should be reading feminist theory and thinking about all kinds of challenging intellectual things and typing up notes and all that. But all I really want to do is go home and sew (I'm making the best dress ever--so excited!) and cook and read murder mysteries. And I guess that isn't very feminist-scholar of me, but I don't really care, because somehow working with my hands and creating brings me great joy that feminist theory just doesn't. And the other thing I really want to do is listen to the same Willie Nelson songs, especially "Red Headed Stranger" over and over. On 2 September, A. and I have tickets to see Willie and Merle Haggard ("The Hag"), and I'm all gearing up for that. Again, I suppose it's neither very feminist or scholarly of me, but it brings me great joy. Oh, "Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain" just came on the iPod. (What did I do pre-iPod????), and it's so much more exciting than Kristeva and Irigaray and whoever else. I don't know--designing clothes and making Mexican food in the evenings is just so much better than work, somehow. I mean, I really enjoy my job, and once the semester starts, I'm sure I'll be back into the routine of it all. But just now, I want to go back to my Bakersfield, 4-H (the place I learned to sew), not-quite-redneck roots and enjoy all those other things that work sometimes keeps me from.

Insomnia

It is now 1:21 am. And I am not asleep. When I'm working, when I'm productive, I'm totally an early to bed, early to rise type of girl. But lately, it's like I just can't get to sleep. This is really not anything new: I've been plagued by insomnia since childhood. Literally. Lately, I've been having really upsetting dreams, and I get in bed and am tired but feel anxious about going to sleep because I don't want to wake up all panicked or sad or hurt over some incredibly vivid dream that I've been having. And I do wake up that way at, say, 4:00, and it's difficult to get back to sleep. But tonight, and this is weird, I was lying in bed and kept thinking of Neil Gaiman's novel American Gods, which I read maybe a year or 18 months ago. And when I read it, I remember enjoying it and being rather enchanted by Gaiman's use of myth. But what I really loved was the concept that the gods, mostly European, who were brought to the States by immigrants, tend to congregate at and find power in crazy roadside attractions, like Wall Drug, for example. They are the types of roadside attractions

OK, SIDE NOTE: I'M NOW WATCHING THE SERIES PREMIER OF NEWPORT HARBOR: THE REAL ORANGE COUNTY. I HAVE A THING FOR OC REALITY PROGRAMS, WITH THE REAL HOUSEWIVES BEING MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE.

K, back to Gaiman. They are the types of roadside attractions that are really campy but somehow seared into the collective American imagination. And my sense is that Gaiman has really had a stroke of genius in citing these locations as locations of primeval power. Is this like J. Campbell and the world navel thing? I forget how that works. Of course, Gaiman's gods explains that the roadside attractions have sprung up where they have because people are drawn to them because they are primeval, mythic places of power. But I guess that most of us normal mortals aren't aware of this on a conscious level. But the larger point is that as I can't sleep tonight, I keep thinking about this, about what it means. I think that what it means for me is that maybe I should read more Gaiman, because, clearly, I find him both entertaining and engaging. Maybe I'll pick up Anansi Boys soon.

On Weight Loss and Exercise and Eating Healthier and Feeling Better:

I am writing this post, as much as anything, to be a reminder to myself a couple of weeks from now when I want to give up. I am back on the Weight Watchers program (I totally recommend Weight Watchers Online, by the way), and although I've not been working at it long enough to lose any weight (yet!), I feel so much better, both physically and emotionally. So here's the lesson: eating healthy foods and lots of veggies and less cheesecake is so worth it, even if I never lose weight, because I simply feel so much better. And I've been slowly incorporating more exercise--Pilates, yoga, dance aerobics--into my schedule. I'm not exercising a whole lot (yet!), but I still feel so much better. Physically, I simply feel better, and it's good emotionally, because I feel like I'm accomplishing something. I know that none of this is like any big revelation, but I think that it's probably good for me to have this reminder: taking care of myself pays off, even in the immediate. If I never lose weight, which I do really want, eating satisfying, healthy foods and exercising is an important way to be healthy and to live in the present.

Just one More Doggie Pic. . .

Here's Polly all night-night. Isn't she just about the cutest thing you've ever seen. I know that I tend to go kinda overboard with the pics of my dogs, but please, just humor me. I just think they are the cutest, funniest, sweetest things in the whole world.

Polly in Bed

Ok, the rule is that dogs are not allowed on the bed. But of course, that doesn't stop Polly. Every morning, I make my bed, and as soon as I leave the house, Polly makes herself comfortable by rearranging the pillows to suit her. Here she is, all comfy-cozy in my bed.

There's A Mouse in my Toilet

When I went downstairs this morning, this is what I found. Yes, it's dead. Of course, I panicked. And I called my dad. He said it would be OK to just flush it, but I can't bring myself to do it, so I'll have to wait until tonight when Alan has time to flush it for me. It's all been very traumatic.