Back to Normal (or something that resembles it!)

I am happy to say that I am finally feeling back to something that resembles normal. And I don't mean normal for normal people but normal for me, because I have to say that I don't really know what normal to normal people feels like. Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday for some other "stuff' ("stuff" is code for female problems, if you know what I mean), and she prescribed Xanax for me. Now, I am well aware that there are all kinds of potential problems associated with Xanax, most of them having to do with addiction. And so I'm careful to use it responsibly. But it really does help. And I took a dose yesterday evening. And I felt soooooo relaxed and slept soooo deeply. And when I woke up this morning, it felt as if my entire emotional and psychological system had been rebooted and reset. And I just feel so much better, so much more optimistic in a healthy, realistic kind of way.

It all reminds me that the whole depression / anxiety spiral is so difficult to claw one's way out of. I think that people who've never felt these things maybe can't understand how hard it all is. And I think it's hard in part because in the middle of it all it seems like there's no point in even trying to feel better--everything seems so hopeless. I realize that's distorted thinking, but it just seems so real when one is trapped in it.

But, at least for now, for today, I'm beyond all that ickiness. And I'm Ok, even hopeful. It's like suddenly I have things figured out, or I at least have some things figured out. I've (finally!) come up with a plan, a workable, practical, yummy plan to eat in a healthier way than I had been. And I'm excited to get to be traveling to Calgary next week. And even the Boca burger that I have planned for dinner sounds pretty darn exciting. It's just such a relief to feel capable and able to deal with life again.

So, yet again, this has been another self-indulgent post. But I'm OK with that.