Dear Readers (And Anyone Else who May Stumble Across this Site):
As you may be able to tell, I'm no longer posting to this blog.
If you are interested, my thoughts have moved to two new locations. I'd love for you to visit me there. Please consider following either or both of these blogs:
Speaking of Books is a site devoted to book reviews and essays about reading, books, and culture.
Wow! So over the last three weeks or so, I've started so many posts that somehow never got posted. One was about the Hardy Boys and was titled "Hardy, Har, Har." I slay me! But then somehow, all these brillig things I had to say, mostly about what I've been reading, have fallen by the proverbial wayside. But today, I'm going to make myself post something, anything. Only, I don't really have all that much to say, or maybe I'm feeling uncharacteristically guarded. I wish I could post pics of all the groovy (or some might say old-lady) craft projects I've been working on, but my crafting life has been stalled recently, as I feel like I work all the time. Oh, and keeping up with TV does seem to suck up a significant amount of my life. The really icky thing about lately is I've not really been writing, not the way that I need to to be healthy. And I know this about myself. I need to journal to process things, feelings, whatever. I need to write, or else. . . Maybe later I talk about the "or else." But I haven't been writing lately, and I'm suffering. So this post is going nowhere, fast.
One final thought. A couple months ago (and C. thought this would be a good idea too!) I started a list of men with whom I'm in love but who, for whatever reason, cannot love me back. I should note that I use the term "in love" loosely, flippantly. At the time, I thought that if I could look at their commonalities, I could discover something about my ideal mate. The biggest commonality is that they can't love me. Of course, many of them are fictional characters--this is an ongoing issue with me. But I'm really trying to figure this out--what does it mean that I'm always "in love" with men who are unavailable for one reason or another?
As some of you know, today, Tuesday 19 January, is the first day of classes of my new semester. I both love and hate the first day of classes. I love the beginning of a new term, for the same reason that I love Mondays: it's a chance to get organized and start over. I thrive on the process of cleaning out, scheduling, organizing, setting goals and having this period of time (a week, a month, a semester, a year) in front of me to see them through. It's like there's such possibility for success of all kinds. And I love, love, love that feeling. I love putting together syllabi (mine tend to be quite detailed) and seeing the entire fourteen weeks outlined there, on paper. It's not about control, although I struggle with wanting control in many areas of my life. It's more about planning and setting goals and believing that one can actually achieve them. But it's also about doing what I can now to reduce stress later. I plan out the reading and topic for exploration for each and every class period so that it's one less decision I have to make later. And sure, I have to make changes as I go--I can be flexible. But I like knowing where it is that I'm going and how I'm going to get there.
I do, also, hate the first day of classes. As much as I love having a syllabus, a plan in place for my classes and my time and my life for the next few months, I absolutely HATE spending the first day of class going over the syllabus. Rather than exploring this fascinating, potentially rewarding plan for the class, I end up droning on and on about policies: how many absences students are allowed, the fact that I don't take late work. All of it's there in writing, and I read through it, all of it. I think it's important to do so, because I think that it's important that students be aware of my expectations and the requirements for success in the class. But it's both boring and discouraging. I find that I'm not overviewing all the fun things we'll be doing or the ways that they can succeed. Rather, I'm emphasizing all the things they should avoid doing. Partly, I always hope to scare off those who aren't willing to take the class seriously. And I figure I should come across really mean at the start--it's easy to loosen up later. If you've read Miss Nelson is Missing, and you should if you haven't, you'll know that being too nice is just a recipe for paper airplanes and spit wads. So I start out like Miss Viola Swamp. And although I think it's necessary, I sort of hate having to be that way, you know? But basically, going over syllabi is just plain boring for everyone in the room, including me.
I guess I'm always glad when the first class meeting is over and I can think about the second and all the things I really love about teaching.
11 January 2010
Dear Blog:
Oh, how I loved you once. You were my place to plot and plan, my repository of dreams and fears. You were my medium for giving shout-outs and for venting frustrations. I loved you: the look of you, the feel of you. I loved changing your background and posting photos. I loved comments, usually in the form of encouragement, from friends.
But alas, I've neglected you in recent months. In September, I cancelled my internet service at home. On the whole this has been a good decision; it's saved me both time and money. And let's face it: the so-called high speed service from FairPoint was just plain crappy. And in the process, you, my beloved blog, have fallen by the wayside. I've ignored you, and in the process, I think I've ignored part of myself.
This is something I shall change. I am certainly going to make it a priority of this new semester (classes start on 19 January!) to post more regularly. I'm going to maintain my relationship with you, oh blog.
And here's my motto for the new year: Nolite te bastardes carborundorum!
We tell ourselves that things will get better, but what if they don't? I mean, what if this is as good as it gets? Yesterday, I watched the most recent episode of Project Runway, and the guy who got kicked off made the comment that he just believes that being "out" just means that there has to be something even better waiting for him, in terms of his career as a designer. But what if that's not the case? I mean, what if he's just a sub-par creator in a industry where even the truly talented and brilliant struggle and sometimes don't make it? What if this was his one moment of glory? He also said that dealing with being eliminated from PR was harder than dealing with drug addiction. I find that hard to believe.
But I think about this alot, especially since I didn't marry JS five and one-half years ago. (Has it been that long? It feels like such a short time ago in some ways.) I mean, at the time, people told me things like, "God just has someone even better for you." Or, "I just know you're going to find someone who will love you for who you are." But I haven't. And maybe I won't. Maybe loving but ultimately being rejected by JS and Cory and whoever else is just my lot in life. Maybe this is it.
I used to think alot about preparing for my future--going to school so I could get the kind of job I wanted, improving myself so I could be a good wife and mother someday. But I feel like I've spent far too much of my life waiting for things that may never happen. I also feel like, far too often, doing what I believed I was supposed to do has alienated me and has led to not just a broken heart but a broken spirit.
At the same time, there's this weird irony about this being "it," you know? For so, so long, I was determined that although I might have a career, I never wanted it to be more important than the people in my life. I wanted, always, for my (theoretical and / or actual) husband and children to come before that career. This was always, always like this big value for me. I was so determined that I never wanted to put my career before relationships, that I would not, for example, insist that a partner move across the country so that I could have the job I wanted. I was insistant that I wanted, always, to prioritize things so that I'd have time and energy for the people I cared about most. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother someday, maybe going back to work when my children got older. I always told myself, told other people that I wasn't a "career woman," whatever that means. And yet, in spite of all that, a career and no spouse, no children is exactly what I've ended up with. I love my job--I do--and I feel blessed to have a career that I find exciting and interesting and rewarding and meaningful. But I worked so hard to not always put my pursuit of a career first. And here I am.
And while I try to be OK with all of it, to be OK with my life turning out so other than what I expected, I wonder what's wrong with me, you know? What is it that, apparently, marks me as so undesirable? Why does everyone else have a partner and not me? And I wonder if there's just something wrong or defective about me. I mean, everyone else seems to even have more friends than I do. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.
I know that really this all could maybe just be tagged "self pity" and dismissed. And maybe I'm writing it, in part, so that I can dismiss it. I do believe that sometimes just voicing these things allows us to somehow loosen the hold that they have on us.
Today, 7/7/09, I am beginning the "101 Things in 1,001 Days" project. That gives me a finish date of 3 April 2012. See the count downer thingy on the right! I'm excited about this feature, although I'd like to find a flashier way to count down. But that's OK.
So this idea comes from Day Zero. Check out the website if you are interested. And I'm going to be honest: my 101 Things To Do list is NOT complete. And I reserve the right to edit and delete items from the current list. It's important to me that this list NOT just be my daily list of things to do (e.g. go to the grocery store, pay bills, grade tests) but that this list represent all those things, some of them admittedly minor, that I keep meaning to do but feel that I never quite get to actually doing, you know? And I'm planning to keep my master list on my hard drive but occasionally post updates here.
As of right now, 66-100 are "to be determined," and I'm taking suggestions, if you have any. But here goes:
101 Things in 1,001 Days—A Tentative List
Bold indicates that these are in progress
Bold and stricken though indicates that the task is complete
1. Go 1 week without watching any TV or DVDs
2.Reach my goal weight of 130 pounds
3.Stick within my Weight Watchers points range for 6 weeks straight
4.Sew 6 differentt purses with 6 patterns I already own—4 by Amy Butler, one by Heather Bailey, and one “freebee”
5.Sew 1 skirt and overskirt set
6.Read Dickens’s The Old Curiosity Shop
7.Reread the entire Harry Potter Series
8.Commit to and follow The Artist’s Way plan for 12 weeks
9.Get materials together and apply for promotion at work
10.Go for 2 months without buying cosmetics (exception: replacing any used up products)
11.Go for 6 months without buying cosmetics (see exception above)
12.Keep budget accurately for 3 months straight
13.Go for six months without buying any new clothing (except underwear, if needed); instead, sew, refashion, rediscover
14.Practice yoga for 20 minutes a day, three days a week, for a month
15.Practice yoga for 20 minutes a day, three days a week, for two months
16.Post something, however trivial, on either of my blogs each day for a month
17.Try one new recipe a week for three months straight
18.Make an appointment and see the doctor about the “neuropathy” in my toes
19.Find a new medical doctor, one with whom I am comfortable
20.Make (and wear) at least one dress from a retro pattern
21.Make (and wear) at least one dress from a vintage pattern
22.Reread The Lord of the Rings
23.Eat strictly vegetarian (but not necessarily vegan) for three months
24.Practice meditation for 20 minutes a day, each day, for eight weeks
25.Read through the Bible, Old and New Testaments
26.Mail in mortgage check, rather than phoning in payment, each month for a year—put the extra money towards something fun or towards the principle on my mortgage
27.Read Anna Karenina
28.Read War and Peace
29.Read The Gulag Archipeligo
30.Read The Oak and the Calf
31.Read Moby Dick (and actually finish it!)
32.Read The Golden Notebook (and actually finish it!)
33.Each week for two months, do one good deed and not get caught
34.Spend a year working the 12 steps, one each month, possibly via Emotions Anonymous online
35.Organize my craft / sewing space to make it more usable
36.Spend one hour a day, each day, for two months just writing, sitting in front of the computer, drafting.
37.Read Trollope’s Barsetshire Towers
38.Read Trollope’s Dr. Thorne
39.Read Trollope’s Framley Parsonage
40.Read trollope’s The Small House at Allington
41.Read Trollope’s The Last Chronicle of Barset
42.Read the Forsyte Saga
43.Read Middlemarch
44.Read Our Mutual Friend
45.Make something out of the yards and yards of natural colored linen fabric I have
46.Make a new black wool-blend skirt
47.Make a new grey wool-blend skirt
48.Embroider 4 pillow cases for my bed
49.Embroider 2 pillow cases for my guest bedroom
50.Make 4 decorative / throw pillows for my living room
51.Find a better way to store my winter scarves
52.Find a better way to store my silk scarves
53.Make window treatment for my bathroom
54.Hang shelving in my bathroom
55.Hang photos in my bathroom
56.Make window treatment for my kitchen area
57.Do work (anything, even a day) as “outreach” in local schools
58.Read Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials Trilogy (I’ve read the first two, including The Golden Compass—want to reread these, then finish)
59.Start a Gratitude scrapbook
60.Complete 10 pages in my Gratitidue scrapbook
61.Finish reading Vanity Fair by Thackeray
62.Visit NYC
63.Organize stuff in bathroom
64.Paint my bedroom
65.Rearrange furninture in my bedroom
66.Get new bedding for my bed
66-100. TBD (Hey, I want some latitude to see how things develop over the next 999 days. Which, come to think of it, is like 666 only not)
I'm thinking about signing on for the 101 things in 1,001 days project. I always feel like I'm not getting "enough" done, and now that I type it, I realize that the "enough" is kinda vague. But that's the point. I mean, with the 101 "things" to accomplish (note my overuse of the air quotes here), you are supposed to pick specific, concrete, measurable tasks to accomplish. Like "finish Thackeray's Vanity Fair." Or "sew five new purses, using patterns I already own." Or "refrain from purchasing cosmetics for six months." This last would be a hard one for me, which I'm kinda embarrassed to admit. But the point is, I'd come up with a list of specific and sometimes seemingly insignificant things that I actually would be able to accomplish. I'm always, as you know, a big one for writing down goals and list of things, both short- and long-term, that I want to accomplish. At the very least, the process of writing out goals helps me to think through my values and my ambitions and what I really, really want, you know? Even if I don't achieve everything on the list, just writing the list is its own reward in some ways. (I'm sick as I'm typing this, so let's use that as an excuse if I'm totally rambling!) And even if I don't achieve everything on the list, I'm sure that I'll achieve some things that I wouldn't have if the list weren't there, you know?
On a related note, I've been thinking about my job and living in Vermont and why I stay and why I do what I do. And I have realized that one reason I value my job and one reason I probably will stay long term is that this particular job allows me in so many ways to do what I want to do with my time and with my life. And that's invaluable, is it not? I mean, I don't adore every, single thing I do at work, day in and day out, but I do enjoy the teaching. I enjoy prepping and planning classes, which so often means rereading works that I love. I enjoy the discussions about literature and writing. I enjoy interacting with my students. I generally hate all the meetings I have to attend each week, but I feel so very blessed in having wonderful colleagues, especailly those in my department. But the kind of work I do allows me all kinds of freedoms that I wouldn't have in many other jobs. My hours are, for example, somewhat flexible: when I have class, I need to be there, but otherwise, I can shape my schedule the way I want, week to week. In fact, I can even ususally teach during the time slots that I desire. As compared to many, many other careers, I get lots of time off work. Some of the time I'm not teaching, I do need to use for work related matters. But still, as compared to much of the world, I have a lot of time off. And yet, I always feel like I'm not quite using this time very well: I never seem to get to the things I really want to do. I never sew or write or read or cook enough, and I spend way too much time watching crap on DVD and killing time online. I want to find a way to work beyond some of this. I can't quite figure out if it's because I'm lazy or depressed or unmotivated or stupid or just unrealistic. But it bothers me that I don't seem to make time for things that bring me pleasure and filfillment, opting instead for activities that allow me to zone out and just not engage with the world around me. I should add that I think that sometimes zoning out is fine and maybe even important. But that's not what I mean. I mean, that I just think I could be spending my free time in more profitable, fulfilling ways.
I'm going to stop now, because I'm feeling worse, and I don't know what I mean any more.
I don't know where to begin, as I feel like there's so much I want to say. And, of course, being a writing teacher and all that, I'm supposed to be able to do this really well. Quite honestly, I don't really have the energy to work on a decent piece of writing. So here goes:
I'm feeling like a real mess lately: fat, lazy. Work is good. I've been teaching summer school for a week now, and it's great. But it takes up most of my energy. I guess I'm discouraged because I'm just not getting as much done as I'd like (story of my life!). I'm feeling both fed up and run down (love those phrasal verbs!). I mean, this kind of malaise is, sadly, kinda typical of me. But I'm feeling especially in a slump lately, and I don't know why. Or maybe I'm just in denial about the why. Difficult to say.
Yesterday, Zee took me to the best fabric stores ever. Well, maybe not ever. Because the best ever could be F&M in Bakersfield, which is super cheap and has many, many apparel-type fabrics, which is appealing. But yesterday, we went to Country Treasures in Chester, VT. At Country Treasures, I drolled over tons of calicos and quilting fabrics. The best part, IMO, is that they have tons of 30s and 40s reproduction fabrics. I'm totally in love with a line called Aunt Grace. Once I've finished a project, I'll try to post pics. Then, we went to the Waterwheel House quilt store, where we found bolts and bolts of Amy Butler fabrics. Increasingly, I'm just in love with anything Amy Butler designs. Seriously. I mean it: if you aren't familiar with Amy Butler, please check out her website here. She has the most lovely colors and designs in her textiles. And her patterns and projects are lovely too. I don't know that I've ever disliked anything I've seen from Amy Butler. Wow! I make it sound like she's underwriting my blog. But, sadly, she isn't. But this brings me to a larger point: I am discouraged because I cannot seem to get any sewing or crafting done. And I don't understand why. It should be easy, shouldn't it? I don't have a spouse or little ones to worry about: my time is essentially my own. So why do the sewing projects never seem to happen? And I feel this way about so many things: why does writing never seem to happen? I understand why laundry and mopping and dusting don't happen too often: they are such dreary chores. But sewing and writing are things I feel passionate about (or at least I think I do); they are things I enjoy; they are rewarding activites. So why am I such a lump / slug all the time?
On a related note, I'm disturbed by what I perceive as an increasing lack of discipline in my life. Partly, this bothers me because I used to think of myself as a disciplined person. In high school, I graduated a year early because I did tons of independent study, self-motivated classes (you know, fun stuff like Algebra II). I finished a doctoral dissertation; if that doesn't take discipline and motivation, I don't know what does. And yet, I cannot seem to control the food I put into my mouth daily. I cannot seem to get motivated to exercise more than about twice a week (and yet, I tell myself that twice a week is two times more than not at all). I just lack discipline is some specific, important areas of my life, and I don't quite know what to do about it.
Maybe the worst part of it all is this: I so quickly descend into what some would term negative self-talk. I obsess about what a "failure" I am, how "worthless" I am. I feel like such a joke, like my life is a farce. And I feel like, with very few exceptions, everyone I've really, really loved has treated me like I'm basically worthless--if you know much about my personal life, my history with relationships, you know which names to insert here. And no matter what anyone says or what I know intellectually, at some deep level, I believe that I am somehow worthless, that I deserve to be treated this way. Goodness--do you know how hard this is to actually admit? I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter in some ways how others may have treated me. I tell myself that all life is valuable, is meaningful. I tell myself that the important thing is that God loves me, no matter how all these crappy men may have treated me. And yet, it's so hard to actually believe these things, you know?
So yeah, I keep feeling like if only I could or would do this or that--lose weight, write, exercise, create--I'd be a happier, more fulfilled person. And maybe I would be. But all I can see most days are my shortcomings.
Ok, so cliche, but there's good news and there's bad news. I'll start with the bad. Late this morning, I decided I'd do some work in the yard. Increasingly, this is something I really enjoy. I was feeling a bit depressed and decided I'd make myself get out and dig and weed and plant, partly in hopes that it would make me feel better. But there was certainly work that needed to get done too. Anyway, as I rounded the corner, I heard something ruseling in the shrubbery near the garage. I figured it was probably a frog or toad, as there always seem to be lots of them about. When I walked by a second and third time, however, I saw something scurrying away into the shrubbery, something with a tail. Now, if you know me at all, you probably are well aware that I'm positively terrified of snakes. Some would even call it phobic. I mean, I have nightmares about snakes--had one last night, in fact. I don't even like to see them on TV. Well, I decided that this thing with a tail was probably a lizard; lizards I can handle. But I was starting to freak out. So I did what I often do in a near-crisis: I called my dad. I say something like this, "Dad, I know that this isn't a great time, and this is going to sound silly, but there's something in my yard, something with a tail, and I think it's a lizard, but what if it's a snake, what do I do?" And we talk for a second and decided it's probably a lizard. Just about then I look over and see it. It's looking right at me. And guess what--it's not a lizard. It's a snake. Just a small one, black with coral colored stripes running the length of it. And so I'm saying to dad, "Oh my goodness. It IS a snake. It's looking at me." Well, apparently there's not a whole lot I can do about this snake living in my garden. I guess that knowing he's there is good; I can't be totally as surprised by him if I know he's there, right? Anyway, the first bit of good news is this: I didn't have a full-blown panic attack, which happened the last time I saw a snake in the wild. Wait. Is my parent's yard the wild? They live on a golf course. I wasn't happy, and I kept checking to see where he was, but I didn't have a total freak out over the snake. I even decided to call him Ernie, in hopes that naming him will make him seem less threatening. Really, he'd be kinda cute if I weren't positively terrified of any snake.
But the real good news is this: I planted four rose bushes that I bought yesterday. That gives me six in one corner of my yard. Six is enough that I feel like I can now say that I have a rose garden. I still need to do more work in my rose garden; I want to put up some sort of border to set it off from the rest of the yard, and then I want to put in some cedar mulch. But for now, it's good enough. Oh, one of the roses is called Creme Brule, which just makes me happy.
13 June 2009
If you follow me on Facebook, you may know that I've been redecorating my bathroom. There was nothing wrong with the bathroom; it was just really, really boring. It sorta felt like Motel 6 bathroom. That's maybe an exaggeration; it felt like the Red Roof Inn bathroom. But over the last week, I've painted the bathroom. I'll post some pics when the whole thing is done. I'm just so excited! I painted a couple walls a rich chocolate brown and the rest I've painted a bright turquoise. It's like a pool blue. I have new towles which incorporate both colors. And I also have new decor that has cupcakes. And the whole thing feels chocolatey / ice cream shoppy, if that makes sense. I don't know--it's like the bathroom is suddenly this cheerful place, which is exactly what I wanted.
I'm still wanting to put up some shelves, probably painted bright pink. And I have some stuff to hang on the wall still. But when it's done, I'll post a couple of pics.
So I thought it would be of benefit to post a quick update on my summer reading. Again, it's the whole thing about having goals (see post dated 17 May). This morning, I finished _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_. For those of you not in the know, that's the second of seven in the Harry Potter Series. I've also read about 2/3 of Wilkie Collins's _The Woman in White_. With my mom here for two weeks, I didn't get as much reading done as I might have liked, and that's OK because spending time with mom was so great. I do have in my possession most of the books I'd like to get to this summer. I've refined and prioritized my list a bit. So here's the revised list in the order in which I think I'll be reading.
1. Finish _Woman in White_.
2. Mrs. Dalloway
3 and 4. Start the Old Curiosity Shop and An Abundance of Katherines (Dickens requires being broken up by light reading)
5. To the Lighthouse
6. Vanity Fair
7. The Waves
8. Trollope's The Warden
9. Till We Have Faces
10. Eliot's Middlemarch
11. Gaiman's The Graveyard Book
12. Anna Karenina
13. Intersperse the rest of the Harry Potter Series with the above, just to break things up
14. Intersperse a variety of feminist literary theory, which I'm reading in part for an independent study. I need to get started on deBeauvior's The Second Sex. I'm really not feeling up for this.
I'm enjoying revisiting the Harry Potter series. I've been watching the movies on DVD too, partly in anticipation of The Half-Blood Prince opening this summer. I do not think that the Harry Potter series is great literature. But I do think it's clever and interesting. And clearly, what Rowling does speaks to our culture in a way that few literary works seem to have done. I could go on and on about it, but I'll spare you that.
I'm not feeling so enthusiastic about the theory I think I'm supposed to be reading. I mean, it's just feeling a little depressing at the moment. And what I really want to be reading is fun stuff, mostly from the YA section at the library. And just because I have this whole list going does not mean that I can't and won't be reading fun stuff from the YA section.
One more observation about summer reading. I really enjoy sitting on the deck and reading. So completely relaxing. It's supposed to rain later, or I might be tempted to spend the day reading outside. But I also like getting up early (this morning, Fen woke me at 5:15) and reading all morning, sometimes in bed, sometimes on the couch. There's something peaceful about the quiet early mornings around here.
On an unrelated but exciting note, bears have been seen in my neighborhood the past two days. And by "neighborhood," I mean within 1/8 of a mile of my home. I don't know why, but I find that very exciting! For those of you who don't know, Guinnie is a little bit nervous of bears, but she figures she could outrun a bear or at least run faster than Polly.
Hey Kids! I haven't posted in a long, long time. Yesterday, I took my mom to the airport--she had been here for two weeks. And between hanging out with her, traveling with her, and home improving with her, I just didn't have time to post. Here, quickly, are a few hilights from her visit.
1. The grave with a veiw. This is this early 20th century grave with a window on top, looking up at the sky. Apparently, the deceased wanted a window incase he wasn't really dead--that way he could look out. There was much condescation on the window, preventing me from seeing the dead guy from outside :(
2. Robert Frost's grave in Bennington, VT. We were taken on a tour by the resident tabby cat.
3. Painting my bathroom. This is still a work in progress--I'll post pics once it's done.
4. Watching hours and hours of BritCom, especially the Black Adder. Especially love the episodes with Hugh Laurie.
5. Food, food, and more food. We had some especially super breakfasts out!
6. Saturday morning farmer's market.
7. Putting a new bed / area in my yard. The entire yard looks fab, by the way, thanks to mom.
a wrap skirt. Having been inspired by Libby Dibby and by a conversation with Cheri, I really want to make a reversible wrap skirt. And I think that this one will fit the bill. Isn't it so me? I especially love that 1) it's reversible and 2) it ties with a ribbon. I'm thinking that I'll make one side in a light-weight denim / chambric and one side in a floral. I'm hoping that I can get by without even making a trip to the fabric store; I'm thinking that I must have something in my stash of fabrics that will be suitable. I think it'll be perf for teaching this summer. And if it turns out well, I can see many wrap skirts to come, possibly in Amy Butler fabrics. This looks to me like it will be a quickie project; maybe I can get one done before mom arrives for her visit next week. I'm just so excited.
That last post about why I feel the need to post my summer reading has gotten me thinking more generally about goals for the summer. And I guess that this is as good a place as any to start to hash out some of that. I mean, there's a lot I'd like to get done over the summer (yoga, writing, sewing, painting my bedroom, lose weight), but it seems overwhelming just thinking about it, you know? And the problem (or a problem, anyway) that I tend to have is that I love, love, love setting goals, and I tend to set these ridiculously high, unrealistic goals, and then when I don't meet every single goal down to the last detail, I feel like a total failure. Please don't tell me how silly and unhealthy this sort of perfectionist thinking is--I'm well aware of it. Logically, I do see the problem here. This very tendency has recently made me a bit hesitant to set concrete goals of any sort. However, I always feel like if I have no goals, I won't make any sort of progress at all towards anything. At this juncture, I'm asking myself why I can't be OK with just "being," why I have to focus on the "becoming." I don't know how to answer those questions.
So it seems that I have a love/hate relationship with goals. On the one hand, I need them to feel OK about myself. But on the other hand, they clearly make me feel not OK about myself. Arrgh! Why does this have to be difficult? It sounds like I need a good therapist, doesn't it? Oh wait, the last therapist told me to dump all my friends because you all only valued me for my appearance, not for who I am on the inside. I don't know why, but this statement is especially ridiculous, IMO. I mean really--I'm not quite cute enough for that to be my only source of social currency. Oi.
So now that I've written about goals, I don't know where to go from here. Do I make a list of goals? Do I not? Fenway is especially lovey today--do I spend the day cuddling with him?
Ok, I know that I'm obsessing about planning my summer reading. I also know that probably noone cares, besides me. And I'm fine with that. I guess that I feel like in order to actually get anything done, I need to have goals. And those goals seem real when I say them aloud, you know? So here's my summer reading list, so far. It needs to be prioritized somehow. I haven't got to that yet.
Reading List, Summer 2009
In no particular order:
1. Mrs. Dalloway
2.An Abundance of Katherines
3.Old Curiousity Shop
4.Finish Dalgleish novels
5.To the Lighthoues
6.Harry Potter Series
7.The Waves
8.Woman in White
9.Till We Have Faces
10.Graveyard Book
11.Thackery
12.Trollope
13.Eliot
14.Forsyte Saga
So this’ll work if I read one book / week. Oh, except for that HP is one entry.
Then, plus I have all that feminist theory I’m supposed to be reading.
Ok, so I wanted to give a little "shout out" to LT Creates Jewelry on Etsy. Etsy.com , as you may know, is a web site where individuals sell their hand made wares (or sometimes, just craft supplies). I think it's such a fab web site, and I love looking at what people are making. However, I've only ordered anything once or twice. But there's this great vendor who makes and sells jewelry from vintage silver-plated flatware. Her work is really, really nice in my opinion. After C. got a spoon watch from LT, I was ready to go ahead an place my order. I got a spoon watch and matching spoon bracelet. You can see a pic of the watch above. The bracelet I got is identical, except that instead of the watch face, it has a turquoise bead. I love both pieces, but if I had to pick one, I'd probably say that I actually like the bracelet best. The pictures here and on Etsy really don't do the pieces justice--they are much prettier in person. You send LT your wrist measurement, and she custom sizes them. And I just love, love, love that this is vintage 1940s silverware that's been repurposed; that idea really appeals to me. I ordered online and had the pieces in hand in less than a week. And I think the prices are quite reasonable. The only drawback IMO is that they are both somewhat difficult to clasp. The clasp is large, and I'm sure that the piece is secure while one is wearing it, but it's a bit difficult to negoiate.
So I guess that if I'm going to "do" the 19th century English novel this summer, I should throw in some Trollope, Thackeray, and Eliot. This is starting to feel overwhelming. But then again, I have always wanted to read at least one novel from each of the three aforementioned writers. And maybe I can wrap it all up with Galsworthy's Forsyte novels, which I know are really 20th century. But they feel like a commentary on Victorian society, don't they?. Oi. I'm losing control over my summer reading list. And it's only 16 May!
I'm a professor at a small liberal arts college in rural New England. I love Boston Terriers, books, and biscotti. Oh, and alliteration. I am a self-proclaimed cosmetics addict. Is there a 12-step program for that? According to one of those quizzes on the internet, I am also a "modern, cool nerd."
