Insomnia

So last night was not good. I got in bed around 11:00, read until 11:30 or so, turned the lights out, slept for maybe 45 minutes, then was wide awake until nearly 3:30. This morning, I slept until 9:30ish. And now, 45 minutes later, I feel like crap, absolute crap. I feel like I've been out with the dry cows, as some might say. And it drives me crazy when I can't sleep. Seriously, if there is a purgatory, and if it isn't LAX, then it must be insomnia. Truly. So I watched TV--there's not much good on at 2:00am--and read for a while. Mostly, I worried about what the next day would be like and how late I could afford to sleep in without lowering the chances for the next night's sleep. I've had issues from sleep for as long as I can remember, certainly since I was 6. And some nights I sleep fine, but others it's just so miserable. And I never quite know what to do. It all produces anxiety. I've read somewhere that there's a theory that insomnia is about the fear of not being able to fall asleep; for me, fear, or more properly anxiety, feeds it, that's for sure. Because you sit there all anxious about what's going to happen if you don't get enough sleep and anxious about what you should do to promote sleep, and I certainly am not going to drink warm milk--ick! But last night, at about 2:30 I spent a lot of time debating whether or not to get up and take a bath. I guess that I'm thankful that I'm not disturbing anyone else, except for maybe Polly. But it was a truly miserable night.