TUESDAY 13--13 Things I Love / Hate About Vermont

I've been thinking and thinking about why it is I'm staying in Vermont. I know how I ended up here, but I'm not sure how long I want to stay. And in the process, I've been considering what it is I really like about Vermont and what really kinda bothers me. I don't know if I'll get to 13, but here goes. . .

1. Hate: Winter. I'm just not cut out for North-East winters, of that I'm certain. It snowed today, the first snow that's stuck. And the roads were slick. And I wasn't able to go to work. And it's just really inconvenient and really cold. And I'm not sure I want to deal with four or five more months of this.

2. Hate: the Vermonter style. It's like everyone dresses in jeans and sweaters from LL Bean. And I think that LL Bean is great for lots of things. But I can feel myself slowing slipping into a Vermonter kind of style. And I don't like that. I want to feel comfortable wearing cute, fun, funky fashion. And it somehow doesn't seem to work for me in Vermont. And I'm tired of jeans and boring, although functional, sweaters.

3. Hate: Missing friends and family. I've made only a very few friends since I moved here, over three years ago. And it's increasingly distressing and discouraging. It's icky to feel like I have so few people in my life who care about me.

4. Hate: No Target. Seriously, the shopping here sucks. When I first moved here, there was at least a Gap. And that felt like my shopping salvation. However, nearly two years ago, it closed, while an Old Navy opened. I've tried, but I just can't get with Old Navy, not really. But the worst part is that there's no Target, not in the whole darn state.

5. Hate: No real coffee house. I didn't realize how much I'd miss the little, funky local coffee shop where I could hang out, read, grade papers, whatever. I'd even settle for a Starbucks. But alas--the nearest is like an hour's drive away.

6. Hate: No Borders / Barnes and Noble. These normally contain a coffee lounge--see number 5 above. But the mega-bookstore, possibly my favorite thing about corporate America and globalization and all those things that we're supposed to hate and fear, is nonexistent in R-town. And although there are rumors that a B and N is supposed to open (along with a Taco Bell, yummo!), I am doubtful. It feels like living in the Hinterland, without the conveniences of civilization.

7. Love: The winters. Ok, so I know that winter was a "hate" above. And it's a "hate" and a "love" all at the same time. You see, there's something about winter that makes me want to nest and make soup and read during those long, long nights. And that's positively divine. And, I don't know, the nesting and being all cozy indoors makes me want to pursue creative things. When I'm creating regularly, I think I'm more content with all aspects of my life.

8. Hate: Feeling detached, especially from a church. Ok, I get that this is, partly, my own decision and a result of my own behavior and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with Vermont, per say. (Side note: Because it seems funny, I'm trying to work "per say" into my conversation more frequently.) Still, the sense of being an "unjoined person" plagues me. And I'm longing for connection to something larger than myself while being ashamed of my failure to find a church. But part of the problem is that there's no church in the immediate area that is right for me. And so instead of driving far each Sunday or settling for a "good enough," I just avoid the whole question. And it just bothers me.

Ok, so I only got to 8, but that's OK. And significantly, there are more "hates" than "loves." That's food for thought, as they say.