More On Pretending

Ok, so my method for coping is to pretend. I always think that if I pretend to work, then eventually, actual work will get done. And if I get up in the morning and pretend that everything's OK, then someday, everything will, indeed, be OK. So one of the weird / silly / neurotic ways that this pretending thing plays itself out is in my appearance on any given day. Often when I'm feeling upset or anticipating a difficult, stressful day at work, I try to somehow cheer myself up by dressing in a way that I think is extra cute or extra interesting, which in the eyes of the rest of the world, may just translate into "interesting" or just plain weird. Nevertheless, it's my method, and as Dolce Carina recently said to me, "You do what you have to do to get by, and that's OK." So I'm OK with all of it. Except this morning I think I got a little carried away with the eyeshadow. So I had this outfit all picked out that I thought was cool and hip and a little bit retro, and I had this cool, trendy skinny scarf, and it was all good. But I decided that blue and pink eyeshadow would be the way to go with it all, right? And the blue, which I applied in this kinda dramatic wash, mid lid to eyebrow, was really darker than I realized. And while my fashion sensibility allowed me to approve, it really wasn't terribly appropriate for work. But really, when is my appearance terribly appropriate for work? Seriously. And of course by the time I realized it, there wasn't time to wash it off and start over fresh. So I went to work, pretending as always, with a pink stripe of eyeshadow nearer my eye and irridescent blue all the way up to my eyebrow. And pink shimmer on my cheeks (not my "cheekies;" there's a difference). And I know that it wasn't terribly professional. And I wonder if my colleagues were like, "What's with her today?" or if, instead, they were like, "Hey, there's that 'interesting' Drennan again!" Either way, it made me feel better about my day, my self, about being in Vermont in the fall, in the rain.