So, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm looking for in a "relationship" and whether I really even want one or not. Is it way too personal to post that kind of thing in what is ostensibly a public forum? Probably, but when have I let that stop me before?
So I think that I do want to get married someday, provided that I meet just the right person. And that's seeming increasinly unlikely, as I'm looking for a rather unusual combination of qualities / characteristics. Some might say that I should try to be more open-minded. But I can't help the things that are important to me, even if they seem silly or minor to someone else.
A couple of years ago, a friend introduced me to a man that she thought might hold "relationship" potential. She was trying to make conversation with us, and she says to him, "So B., what kinds of books do you like to read?" knowing that I'm very bookish. He said, "Oh, I don't read much at all; reading puts me right to sleep." And he really seemed nice, intelligent, accomplished, physically attractive, had a very good job. But I was immediately put off by that comment. And that was really the end of that. Am I silly for discounting someone just because he hates reading? I just can't imagine spending each evening trying to make conversation with someone who doesn't read.
All I want is someone who will occasionally make me a cup of tea, read me John Donne's poetry, and go to church with me. Well, that's not ALL I want. But it's a start. Is that asking so much? Oh, and someone who will take my car in to get the oil changed for me. And in exchange, I'm willing to cook and do laundry and all that domestic stuff. Really, in spite of my career aspirations, I like domestic things. I love the idea of creating a comfy, homey space. Maybe I do have an inner homemaker.
I'm delirious, I know, so maybe none of this makes sense, but it's what I needed to say right now.
a president, a King
13 years ago
2 comments:
so i know i've told everyone this before, or maybe i haven't.
but when i was studying abroad in italy i was fortunate to stay a few days with the dean and his wife. and i had been having a tough time and staying in their home was like this little slice of how life should be. like there were clean white sheets and a down duve in the guest room and directions for how to make my own walnut pesto in the kitchen. and so i get up in the morning and in the living room, with the morning light coming in through the shutters i see the husband and he's sitting in the easy chair reading the american papers. and he's sitting across from the wife, curled up on the couch reading a novel. and they both have tea. and even though they're silent, and each engrossed in their own literature they're reading together. and it's a very intimate space.
i always remembered this scene. and that's what i looked for when i got married. there's this great picture taken on our honeymoon of michael reading the paper with a cup of coffee and an orange. i took it, so i'm sitting across from him. and when i was reading for exams m. used to set up our living room as "coffee house." which means basically we put on good music, make lattes, and read. and when isee him reading crazy computer manuals (and taking notes) while i theorize dos passos i know i found the guy for me.
so all this to say, no, it's not crazy. i can't imagine being with someone who couldn't share the quiet moments with me. this is not to say that my marraige is perfect or that i'm in this perpetual state of bliss--but that the best moments i have are these moments.
"If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, ‘twas but a dream of thee"
"...For I had rather owner be
Of thee one hour, than all else ever"
I'd love to read John Donne to you.
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