I really, really LOVE this pic of Polly (in back) and Guinn (in the foreground). They are, of course, sitting on my bed, which isn't really allowed.
a president, a King
13 years ago
26 January 2008
More Photos. . .
I really, really LOVE this pic of Polly (in back) and Guinn (in the foreground). They are, of course, sitting on my bed, which isn't really allowed.
Cutest Animal on the Planet
I am always on the lookout for the cutest animal on the planet, and I'm convinced that Guinnie and Polly (and now Fenway) are in the running. But this sea otter is pretty darn cute. A. and I encountered him when we visited Morro Bay, CA a couple of weeks ago.
I talked to C. the other day, and she said something like, "I keep checking your blog, but you haven't posted anything new." But now I finally feel inspired to post. I'm doing well, I think. I started back to work this week, which has been exhausting but good--I really do enjoy it. And I feel good, because *finally* I feel like I'm making some positive changes in my life. And that makes me feel good, but I also wonder if maybe it's that I'm feeling better, less depressed, that makes me feel able to somehow take control and make positive changes. Either way, it's good. So I'm a little pressed for time at the moment, but more later.
13 December 2007
Thursday Thirteen: Books
Yet again, I am procrastinating, putting off the grading (uggh!) that I should / could be doing. But it seems like a fun "thirteen" is thirteen favorite books / authors, or at least authors that I find particularly meaningful in some way. So, in no particular order, here e go. . .
1. C.S. Lewis. Although it's not his most widely read work, I'm convinced that Till We Have Faces is his very, very best. And I am of the opinion that everyone should read it. And it proves definitively that Lewis, so often called a misogynist, really does "get" women. Till We Have Faces absolutely changed the way that I think about relationships.
2. Margaret Atwood. I've been rereading The Handmaid's Tale for a class I'm teaching. And it strikes me that Atwood is such a skilled, intentional writer. Her work feels so very well crafted.
3. J.R.R. Tolkien.
4. Beatrix Potter
5. Harper Lee. I'm convinced that if there is a single great American novel, then To Kill a Mockingbird is it.
6. Virginia Woolf. Mrs. Dalloway has changed me forever.
7. Chaucer (but not Shakespeare!)
8. Nathaniel Hawthorne. I adore "The Minister's Black Veil."
9. E.B. White. I love this line from Charlotte: You have been my friend. . .That in itself is a tremendous thing. . .After all, what's a life anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. . .By helping you, perhaps I was trying to life up my life a trifle.
10. Beowulf
11. Flannery O'Connor. O'Connor is hard to deal with, hard to even talk about. But she rocks my world. Seriously.
12. Colin Dexter / G.K. Chesterton / PD James. Ok, I LOVE the British murder mystery, particularly the character-driven, "cozy" mystery. I'm convinced that these writers have this deep understanding of the complexities and beauties and horrors of the human condition.
13. P.G Wodehouse. I came to Jeeves and Wooster via Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry. But I've discovered that Wodehouse is every bit as funny and clever and smart as Laurie's and Fry's representations of his characters. It's truly, truly laugh-out-loud stuff. And when I need something light, this is my go-to guy.
Ok, conspicuously absent are Hemingway (The Old Man and the Sea is like my literary nemesis) and JK Rowling.
1. C.S. Lewis. Although it's not his most widely read work, I'm convinced that Till We Have Faces is his very, very best. And I am of the opinion that everyone should read it. And it proves definitively that Lewis, so often called a misogynist, really does "get" women. Till We Have Faces absolutely changed the way that I think about relationships.
2. Margaret Atwood. I've been rereading The Handmaid's Tale for a class I'm teaching. And it strikes me that Atwood is such a skilled, intentional writer. Her work feels so very well crafted.
3. J.R.R. Tolkien.
4. Beatrix Potter
5. Harper Lee. I'm convinced that if there is a single great American novel, then To Kill a Mockingbird is it.
6. Virginia Woolf. Mrs. Dalloway has changed me forever.
7. Chaucer (but not Shakespeare!)
8. Nathaniel Hawthorne. I adore "The Minister's Black Veil."
9. E.B. White. I love this line from Charlotte: You have been my friend. . .That in itself is a tremendous thing. . .After all, what's a life anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. . .By helping you, perhaps I was trying to life up my life a trifle.
10. Beowulf
11. Flannery O'Connor. O'Connor is hard to deal with, hard to even talk about. But she rocks my world. Seriously.
12. Colin Dexter / G.K. Chesterton / PD James. Ok, I LOVE the British murder mystery, particularly the character-driven, "cozy" mystery. I'm convinced that these writers have this deep understanding of the complexities and beauties and horrors of the human condition.
13. P.G Wodehouse. I came to Jeeves and Wooster via Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry. But I've discovered that Wodehouse is every bit as funny and clever and smart as Laurie's and Fry's representations of his characters. It's truly, truly laugh-out-loud stuff. And when I need something light, this is my go-to guy.
Ok, conspicuously absent are Hemingway (The Old Man and the Sea is like my literary nemesis) and JK Rowling.
05 December 2007
Thursday Thirteen, Project Runway Edition
Yes, it's only Wednesday. But I've been vegging out, watching Bravo's Project Runway for the last couple of hours. And Project Runway is probably the least objectionable of the "reality" TV that I indulge in. So as I've been watching and sipping red wine (love the Coppola red blend!) and browsing magazines, I've felt inspired to post a quickie "thirteen." So here it is for your edification.
I want to be someone who wears
1. Hats. I want more hats in my day-to-day existence. I'm particularly fond of winter hats.
2. Jackets. This season, J Crew has the cutest, hippest jackets. I want jackets in fun colors and funky textures. I especially want jackets with 3/4 sleeves, so that I can layer them with fun colors.
3. Sunglasses, preferably with pink lenses
4. Fun, funky, campy tee shirts. I have a pink tee that says "Wild Thing." And there's a picture of one of Sendak's creatures. What's better than that?
5. Knee socks. I'm particularly fond of argyles and stripes. I'm particularly partial to pink.
6. Scarves. Wooly scarves, crocheted scarves, silk scarves, scarves for the ski slopes, scarves reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn: I LOVE them all. And it seems worth making the concerted effort to incorporate more scarves into my daily look.
7. Interesting tights. I love tights with interesting colors and textures. Recently my mom sent me this great pair of black and grey argyle tights. What could be finer?
8. Dresses. I've decided that I want more dresses in my wardrobe. I wear skirts, usually A-lines, with sweaters and tights often. But I want more dresses, particularly in corduroy and in wool blends.
9. Boots. I so enjoy wearing boots, especially with skirts or dresses. Boots make me happy and confident in a way that's completely irrational and wonderful.
10. Belts. I've not been wearing belts the past few years. And yet, I want to try. I want to make the effort to attempt belts. Maybe my heavier body can't handle belts--I don't know. But it seems worth a go.
11. Glittery make-up. I know that some would say I'm too old for it, but I absolutely LOVE fun cosmetics. Glitter eyeshadow just makes me happy. Ditto for frosted blue eyeshadow, the kind we wore in the late 80s. I know it's silly, even campy, but I adore it all.
12. Tattoos. I have one and only one. But I want at least two more.
13. Clothing and accessories of my own creation. I love wearing items that I've designed or made or remade. It gives me this sense of accomplishment and power.
Some of these things, like boots, I do wear frequently. Others I'd like to incorporate. But they make me happy. Not very long ago, I was someone who displayed a definite sense of style. I want to feel like that woman again.
I want to be someone who wears
1. Hats. I want more hats in my day-to-day existence. I'm particularly fond of winter hats.
2. Jackets. This season, J Crew has the cutest, hippest jackets. I want jackets in fun colors and funky textures. I especially want jackets with 3/4 sleeves, so that I can layer them with fun colors.
3. Sunglasses, preferably with pink lenses
4. Fun, funky, campy tee shirts. I have a pink tee that says "Wild Thing." And there's a picture of one of Sendak's creatures. What's better than that?
5. Knee socks. I'm particularly fond of argyles and stripes. I'm particularly partial to pink.
6. Scarves. Wooly scarves, crocheted scarves, silk scarves, scarves for the ski slopes, scarves reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn: I LOVE them all. And it seems worth making the concerted effort to incorporate more scarves into my daily look.
7. Interesting tights. I love tights with interesting colors and textures. Recently my mom sent me this great pair of black and grey argyle tights. What could be finer?
8. Dresses. I've decided that I want more dresses in my wardrobe. I wear skirts, usually A-lines, with sweaters and tights often. But I want more dresses, particularly in corduroy and in wool blends.
9. Boots. I so enjoy wearing boots, especially with skirts or dresses. Boots make me happy and confident in a way that's completely irrational and wonderful.
10. Belts. I've not been wearing belts the past few years. And yet, I want to try. I want to make the effort to attempt belts. Maybe my heavier body can't handle belts--I don't know. But it seems worth a go.
11. Glittery make-up. I know that some would say I'm too old for it, but I absolutely LOVE fun cosmetics. Glitter eyeshadow just makes me happy. Ditto for frosted blue eyeshadow, the kind we wore in the late 80s. I know it's silly, even campy, but I adore it all.
12. Tattoos. I have one and only one. But I want at least two more.
13. Clothing and accessories of my own creation. I love wearing items that I've designed or made or remade. It gives me this sense of accomplishment and power.
Some of these things, like boots, I do wear frequently. Others I'd like to incorporate. But they make me happy. Not very long ago, I was someone who displayed a definite sense of style. I want to feel like that woman again.
04 December 2007
I'm taking a break from grading, grading, grading. Arggh! How much grading can one Professor be reasonably expected to complete. OK, to be fair, I was the one who assigned all this stuff, so by rights, I should be the one who has to grade it. But there are moments when it becomes mind-numbing. Oops--is this turning into one of those posts that's going to come back to haunt me someday if /when I'm on the job market? And more to the point, really, will there come a day when I am back on the job market? But what I really wanted to say is that for the past four days or so, it's just been cold. I don't think it got to much about 20 today (and that's 20 Fahrenheit, I'll have you know!) And, already, I'm tired of being cold. I'm tired of sloshing through snow. I'm tired of having to worry about slipping and falling in the parking lot. It's somehow all way more complicated than, as a Californian, I would have imagined. And yet it's somehow magical too. I cannot the way that I feel as I sit before a toasty-warm fire and watch the snow fall. I cannot convey the comfort of the long nights, seemingly custom made for reading long novels. I cannot explain the sheer joy of picking just the right scarf and hat and actually layering clothing. Wearing sweaters and jackets and wooly tights and socks is such fun in that J. Crew, non-SoCal kind of way. Maybe I'm just trying to make my peace with winter here--I'm not sure. But somehow the discomforts of winter are, at least a little bit, offset by the sense of coziness. This, I suppose, is winter in New England.
29 November 2007
Thursday Thirteen: Words, words, words
I think a fun "13" is 13 expressions that I really enjoy. I don't incorporate these into my everyday speech as much as I'd like, but they are fun ones!
1. If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
2. Don't know shit from shinola / Don't know his ass from a hole in the ground. For those of you with a less rednecky background than I have, this one refers to someone who isn't too bright (the lights are on, but no one's home), doesn't get it, or maybe is just generally dumb.
3. No great shakes. I also like "two shakes," as in, "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail." Really, anything with "shakes" works for me.
4. Different points to be made. So that's a David Brent one.
5. But I am COLD. That's a Guinnie one, and as such it maybe doesn't qualify as an expression. But it's fun all the same.
6. Take off you hoser.
7. Rudesby.
8. "You're walkin' on the fightin' side of me." That's a Merle Haggard one.
9. It's a long ol' road that don't turn. Apparently, this means the same thing as "What goes around, comes around." I never quite get it, but for entirely personal reasons, I like it.
10. "In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." If you don't know where that one's from, then I'm not going to tell you. But in a very simplistic way, I think it sums up my life's philosophy.
11. "If I fake it, I don't really have it. . . same with cardiac arrest." Also memorable are, "baby steps" and "There are two types of people in this world, those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't." Oh and then there's "Your death therapy saved me, you genius!"
12. "Hi, you've reached Drennan. I'm emotionally unavaliable right now, but if you leave a message. . . "
AND (drum roll)
13. Context is all / context is everything / context is king.
Oh, a couple of post-scripts:
A. "Well, there's always beer"
B. "It's five o'clock somewhere"
C. I don't drink candy-ass-girly drinks.
Odd, isn't it, that those are all alcohol themed?
If you feel so inclined, please contribute your own in the comments section!
1. If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
2. Don't know shit from shinola / Don't know his ass from a hole in the ground. For those of you with a less rednecky background than I have, this one refers to someone who isn't too bright (the lights are on, but no one's home), doesn't get it, or maybe is just generally dumb.
3. No great shakes. I also like "two shakes," as in, "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail." Really, anything with "shakes" works for me.
4. Different points to be made. So that's a David Brent one.
5. But I am COLD. That's a Guinnie one, and as such it maybe doesn't qualify as an expression. But it's fun all the same.
6. Take off you hoser.
7. Rudesby.
8. "You're walkin' on the fightin' side of me." That's a Merle Haggard one.
9. It's a long ol' road that don't turn. Apparently, this means the same thing as "What goes around, comes around." I never quite get it, but for entirely personal reasons, I like it.
10. "In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." If you don't know where that one's from, then I'm not going to tell you. But in a very simplistic way, I think it sums up my life's philosophy.
11. "If I fake it, I don't really have it. . . same with cardiac arrest." Also memorable are, "baby steps" and "There are two types of people in this world, those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't." Oh and then there's "Your death therapy saved me, you genius!"
12. "Hi, you've reached Drennan. I'm emotionally unavaliable right now, but if you leave a message. . . "
AND (drum roll)
13. Context is all / context is everything / context is king.
Oh, a couple of post-scripts:
A. "Well, there's always beer"
B. "It's five o'clock somewhere"
C. I don't drink candy-ass-girly drinks.
Odd, isn't it, that those are all alcohol themed?
If you feel so inclined, please contribute your own in the comments section!
28 November 2007
Tamra Barney
I have real reservations about posting this. And I'm going to type, but I may end up not putting it out there for the world to see, not that soooooo many people actually read this. But Tamra Barney is the most infuriating person that I've never met. And I know it's catty of me to slander her via the internet, but by pursuing a gig in reality TV, isn't she opening herself up for public comment? Here's the thing that gets to me: in the Housewives of Orange County, at least so far, Tamra is all hung up about the fact that she's nearly 40; additionally, she makes it clear that how she looks is one of the most important things in her life. She says, in fact, that one of her biggest goals right now is looking as good as she can. And, yeah, she looks good. She's exceptionally well groomed; she has a great body; I guess she dresses cute, although her style is a bit skanky for my taste. But I think it's sad that this seems to be what she lives for, that how she looks is such an important thing to her. I mean, what she'll have to discover some day is that, like all of her, she's lost her looks. It happens to all of us; I certainly struggle with my looks and my weight and trying to figure out how much of my identity is tied to how I look. But the bottom line is that I know that how I look is not nearly as important as what I believe and how I treat others and who I love and what I think. And it seems so sad to me when people put their looks ahead of all that other stuff.
OK, the other thing that bugs me about Tamra (and she, in my mind, is simply the stand-in for this larger tendency) is that she seems to think getting drunk is sooooo cute. I certainly imbibe on occasion. And yes, there have been times when I've drunk a little too much. But I don't think it's cute or cool or fun. And I certainly don't walk around saying, "Woo hoo! I'm gonna get drunk this weekend, and it's gonna be sooooo great!" I don't get it. I mean, I understand 20 year olds who have that attitude, but shouldn't we have outgrown it by the time we reach 40? I guess Tamra missed that memo. Or maybe her development was somehow arrested when she got preggers at 18. Getting drunk is not funny, Tamra. Nor does anyone think you are cool because of the way you party.
I know that all of this is mean and catty and probably unwarranted. I realize that my attitude here is fairly unbecoming. And yet, it's just hard to let these things slide. My mother pointed out earlier that no one's making me watch The Real Housewives. And she's right. No one makes me TiVo (I love that we can use TiVo as a verb!) it and watch it at my convenience. No one makes me stop and rewind all the really juicy parts. No one makes me get all self-righteous, and I realize that, at least partly, that's what it is.
OK, the other thing that bugs me about Tamra (and she, in my mind, is simply the stand-in for this larger tendency) is that she seems to think getting drunk is sooooo cute. I certainly imbibe on occasion. And yes, there have been times when I've drunk a little too much. But I don't think it's cute or cool or fun. And I certainly don't walk around saying, "Woo hoo! I'm gonna get drunk this weekend, and it's gonna be sooooo great!" I don't get it. I mean, I understand 20 year olds who have that attitude, but shouldn't we have outgrown it by the time we reach 40? I guess Tamra missed that memo. Or maybe her development was somehow arrested when she got preggers at 18. Getting drunk is not funny, Tamra. Nor does anyone think you are cool because of the way you party.
I know that all of this is mean and catty and probably unwarranted. I realize that my attitude here is fairly unbecoming. And yet, it's just hard to let these things slide. My mother pointed out earlier that no one's making me watch The Real Housewives. And she's right. No one makes me TiVo (I love that we can use TiVo as a verb!) it and watch it at my convenience. No one makes me stop and rewind all the really juicy parts. No one makes me get all self-righteous, and I realize that, at least partly, that's what it is.
22 November 2007
Thursday Thirteen, Thanksgiving Style!
Yes, it's Thanksgiving, and it seems apt to list the things for which I am thankful, especially on this day. And as I sit here, already mentally putting together my list, it strikes me that I so often whine, complain, feel put upon, and am generally depressed; focusing on what I'm truly, truly thankful for seems therapeutic, something I should do more frequently. So here goes. . .
1. My brothers: I cannot imagine my life or even myself without Jake and John. They, probably more than anyone else, have taught me to see life from a variety of perspectives. By simply being who they are, they've helped me to think in new ways. And I'm convinced that without the two of them, I'd be a different, less happy, less interesting person.
2. My parents: I guess they aren't prefect, but they are pretty darn great, as far as mothers and fathers go. I'm convinced that I'm annoying and demanding of attention as a daughter, even as an adult. And yet, they never treat me like I'm all those things. And I miss them and all my family today, because even more so than Christmas, Thanksgiving, when I was a child, was a the time that we spent together as an extended family.
3. My extended family: This one's huge. First, I'm thankful that I've been blessed with wonderful, interesting, supportive grandparents. I'm thankful that, even at 32, all my grandparents are still alive and are a part of my life. Even now, when I phone my grandfather, he makes me feel like the most wonderful, important person in the world. I'm also thankful, especially today, for my cousins J. and M. Thanksgiving was always a time that I spent with them, sometimes, as we got older, the only time of year that I could count on spending with them. And I have all these great memories associated with J. and M. and Thanksgiving, all kinds of inside jokes. And I miss them especially today.
4. Guinnie and Polly: I'd be so, so, so lonely without dogs to come home to. I'm convinced that a dog's love may be the only truly unconditional love that we experience. And in humans, a doggy love would seem kinda pathetic, maybe even neurotic. But it dogs it's just delightful.
5. Literacy: Seriously, I'm daily, daily thankful for the ability to read and write. I cannot imagine existence without reading.
6. Friends: I'm thinking here of all of you whom I can call for no reason at all. And you know who you are. I'm thinking of the kinds of friends that I might not talk with for months, and yet we can always pick right up where we left off. I'm thinking of the kinds of friends who've seen me at my worst and love me anyway, probably see good in me anyway.
7. Creativity: Maybe "creativity" isn't the best term for what I mean, but I don't know what else to term it. I'm thankful for imagination, the ability to create and engage in creative activities. When I'm really down, this is one thing that makes me feel half-human again.
8. Food: Is it bad that food is something I'm thankful for? I don't just mean that, unlike so much of the world, I have enough to eat. I mean that I'm really thankful that I can think about food and plan meals and cook and enjoy eating and sharing food with friends. And, yes, I do have the whole emotional eating problem; there's no doubt about it. Food becomes a solace when I'm anxious or lonely. And this, I know, isn't so healthy. But in a way that I'm totally OK with, food is this fabulous, interesting part of life.
9. A House: Yes, I'm thankful to have shelter. But I have more than just shelter in mind here. I'm thankful for a warm, cozy house that feels like home. Living in my own house, rather than a rental, feels so grown up. And it's not a huge home, but it's absolutely perfect for me. As Goldilocks would say, it's just right.
10. Being born in the United States: It feels somehow cheezy to say it. But I'm thankful to have been born into a society where women have options and freedoms not afforded them elsewhere. I would say that I'm not a particularly patriotic person, but I am thankful for all the privileges that I enjoy, simply by virtue of having been born into a particular place at a particular time.
11. My job: I know, I often complain about it. And my complaints are mostly about my salary. But the job itself, what I do each day is wonderful and fulfilling and what I believe I am meant to be doing, at least for now.
12. Health: I'm thankful for my physical and emotional health. And although I have occasional, minor health problems--depression, allergies, migraines--I'm generally healthy. Health seems to me to be something that we take for granted until we are laid up by the flu (or something worse!) for 48 hours, or so, and then, suddenly, we realize the miracle of health.
13. Boots!: Ok, in the grand scheme of things, I know that footwear isn't maybe such a big deal, unless one doesn't have footwear. But I just love, love, love boots. And when I wear them, they truly bring me great satisfaction and even joy.
I could add to this list, surely. And I should state that these are in no particular order, so don't be offended if you are a friend and you were listed after the dogs and literacy.
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!
1. My brothers: I cannot imagine my life or even myself without Jake and John. They, probably more than anyone else, have taught me to see life from a variety of perspectives. By simply being who they are, they've helped me to think in new ways. And I'm convinced that without the two of them, I'd be a different, less happy, less interesting person.
2. My parents: I guess they aren't prefect, but they are pretty darn great, as far as mothers and fathers go. I'm convinced that I'm annoying and demanding of attention as a daughter, even as an adult. And yet, they never treat me like I'm all those things. And I miss them and all my family today, because even more so than Christmas, Thanksgiving, when I was a child, was a the time that we spent together as an extended family.
3. My extended family: This one's huge. First, I'm thankful that I've been blessed with wonderful, interesting, supportive grandparents. I'm thankful that, even at 32, all my grandparents are still alive and are a part of my life. Even now, when I phone my grandfather, he makes me feel like the most wonderful, important person in the world. I'm also thankful, especially today, for my cousins J. and M. Thanksgiving was always a time that I spent with them, sometimes, as we got older, the only time of year that I could count on spending with them. And I have all these great memories associated with J. and M. and Thanksgiving, all kinds of inside jokes. And I miss them especially today.
4. Guinnie and Polly: I'd be so, so, so lonely without dogs to come home to. I'm convinced that a dog's love may be the only truly unconditional love that we experience. And in humans, a doggy love would seem kinda pathetic, maybe even neurotic. But it dogs it's just delightful.
5. Literacy: Seriously, I'm daily, daily thankful for the ability to read and write. I cannot imagine existence without reading.
6. Friends: I'm thinking here of all of you whom I can call for no reason at all. And you know who you are. I'm thinking of the kinds of friends that I might not talk with for months, and yet we can always pick right up where we left off. I'm thinking of the kinds of friends who've seen me at my worst and love me anyway, probably see good in me anyway.
7. Creativity: Maybe "creativity" isn't the best term for what I mean, but I don't know what else to term it. I'm thankful for imagination, the ability to create and engage in creative activities. When I'm really down, this is one thing that makes me feel half-human again.
8. Food: Is it bad that food is something I'm thankful for? I don't just mean that, unlike so much of the world, I have enough to eat. I mean that I'm really thankful that I can think about food and plan meals and cook and enjoy eating and sharing food with friends. And, yes, I do have the whole emotional eating problem; there's no doubt about it. Food becomes a solace when I'm anxious or lonely. And this, I know, isn't so healthy. But in a way that I'm totally OK with, food is this fabulous, interesting part of life.
9. A House: Yes, I'm thankful to have shelter. But I have more than just shelter in mind here. I'm thankful for a warm, cozy house that feels like home. Living in my own house, rather than a rental, feels so grown up. And it's not a huge home, but it's absolutely perfect for me. As Goldilocks would say, it's just right.
10. Being born in the United States: It feels somehow cheezy to say it. But I'm thankful to have been born into a society where women have options and freedoms not afforded them elsewhere. I would say that I'm not a particularly patriotic person, but I am thankful for all the privileges that I enjoy, simply by virtue of having been born into a particular place at a particular time.
11. My job: I know, I often complain about it. And my complaints are mostly about my salary. But the job itself, what I do each day is wonderful and fulfilling and what I believe I am meant to be doing, at least for now.
12. Health: I'm thankful for my physical and emotional health. And although I have occasional, minor health problems--depression, allergies, migraines--I'm generally healthy. Health seems to me to be something that we take for granted until we are laid up by the flu (or something worse!) for 48 hours, or so, and then, suddenly, we realize the miracle of health.
13. Boots!: Ok, in the grand scheme of things, I know that footwear isn't maybe such a big deal, unless one doesn't have footwear. But I just love, love, love boots. And when I wear them, they truly bring me great satisfaction and even joy.
I could add to this list, surely. And I should state that these are in no particular order, so don't be offended if you are a friend and you were listed after the dogs and literacy.
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!
20 November 2007
TUESDAY 13--13 Things I Love / Hate About Vermont
I've been thinking and thinking about why it is I'm staying in Vermont. I know how I ended up here, but I'm not sure how long I want to stay. And in the process, I've been considering what it is I really like about Vermont and what really kinda bothers me. I don't know if I'll get to 13, but here goes. . .
1. Hate: Winter. I'm just not cut out for North-East winters, of that I'm certain. It snowed today, the first snow that's stuck. And the roads were slick. And I wasn't able to go to work. And it's just really inconvenient and really cold. And I'm not sure I want to deal with four or five more months of this.
2. Hate: the Vermonter style. It's like everyone dresses in jeans and sweaters from LL Bean. And I think that LL Bean is great for lots of things. But I can feel myself slowing slipping into a Vermonter kind of style. And I don't like that. I want to feel comfortable wearing cute, fun, funky fashion. And it somehow doesn't seem to work for me in Vermont. And I'm tired of jeans and boring, although functional, sweaters.
3. Hate: Missing friends and family. I've made only a very few friends since I moved here, over three years ago. And it's increasingly distressing and discouraging. It's icky to feel like I have so few people in my life who care about me.
4. Hate: No Target. Seriously, the shopping here sucks. When I first moved here, there was at least a Gap. And that felt like my shopping salvation. However, nearly two years ago, it closed, while an Old Navy opened. I've tried, but I just can't get with Old Navy, not really. But the worst part is that there's no Target, not in the whole darn state.
5. Hate: No real coffee house. I didn't realize how much I'd miss the little, funky local coffee shop where I could hang out, read, grade papers, whatever. I'd even settle for a Starbucks. But alas--the nearest is like an hour's drive away.
6. Hate: No Borders / Barnes and Noble. These normally contain a coffee lounge--see number 5 above. But the mega-bookstore, possibly my favorite thing about corporate America and globalization and all those things that we're supposed to hate and fear, is nonexistent in R-town. And although there are rumors that a B and N is supposed to open (along with a Taco Bell, yummo!), I am doubtful. It feels like living in the Hinterland, without the conveniences of civilization.
7. Love: The winters. Ok, so I know that winter was a "hate" above. And it's a "hate" and a "love" all at the same time. You see, there's something about winter that makes me want to nest and make soup and read during those long, long nights. And that's positively divine. And, I don't know, the nesting and being all cozy indoors makes me want to pursue creative things. When I'm creating regularly, I think I'm more content with all aspects of my life.
8. Hate: Feeling detached, especially from a church. Ok, I get that this is, partly, my own decision and a result of my own behavior and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with Vermont, per say. (Side note: Because it seems funny, I'm trying to work "per say" into my conversation more frequently.) Still, the sense of being an "unjoined person" plagues me. And I'm longing for connection to something larger than myself while being ashamed of my failure to find a church. But part of the problem is that there's no church in the immediate area that is right for me. And so instead of driving far each Sunday or settling for a "good enough," I just avoid the whole question. And it just bothers me.
Ok, so I only got to 8, but that's OK. And significantly, there are more "hates" than "loves." That's food for thought, as they say.
1. Hate: Winter. I'm just not cut out for North-East winters, of that I'm certain. It snowed today, the first snow that's stuck. And the roads were slick. And I wasn't able to go to work. And it's just really inconvenient and really cold. And I'm not sure I want to deal with four or five more months of this.
2. Hate: the Vermonter style. It's like everyone dresses in jeans and sweaters from LL Bean. And I think that LL Bean is great for lots of things. But I can feel myself slowing slipping into a Vermonter kind of style. And I don't like that. I want to feel comfortable wearing cute, fun, funky fashion. And it somehow doesn't seem to work for me in Vermont. And I'm tired of jeans and boring, although functional, sweaters.
3. Hate: Missing friends and family. I've made only a very few friends since I moved here, over three years ago. And it's increasingly distressing and discouraging. It's icky to feel like I have so few people in my life who care about me.
4. Hate: No Target. Seriously, the shopping here sucks. When I first moved here, there was at least a Gap. And that felt like my shopping salvation. However, nearly two years ago, it closed, while an Old Navy opened. I've tried, but I just can't get with Old Navy, not really. But the worst part is that there's no Target, not in the whole darn state.
5. Hate: No real coffee house. I didn't realize how much I'd miss the little, funky local coffee shop where I could hang out, read, grade papers, whatever. I'd even settle for a Starbucks. But alas--the nearest is like an hour's drive away.
6. Hate: No Borders / Barnes and Noble. These normally contain a coffee lounge--see number 5 above. But the mega-bookstore, possibly my favorite thing about corporate America and globalization and all those things that we're supposed to hate and fear, is nonexistent in R-town. And although there are rumors that a B and N is supposed to open (along with a Taco Bell, yummo!), I am doubtful. It feels like living in the Hinterland, without the conveniences of civilization.
7. Love: The winters. Ok, so I know that winter was a "hate" above. And it's a "hate" and a "love" all at the same time. You see, there's something about winter that makes me want to nest and make soup and read during those long, long nights. And that's positively divine. And, I don't know, the nesting and being all cozy indoors makes me want to pursue creative things. When I'm creating regularly, I think I'm more content with all aspects of my life.
8. Hate: Feeling detached, especially from a church. Ok, I get that this is, partly, my own decision and a result of my own behavior and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with Vermont, per say. (Side note: Because it seems funny, I'm trying to work "per say" into my conversation more frequently.) Still, the sense of being an "unjoined person" plagues me. And I'm longing for connection to something larger than myself while being ashamed of my failure to find a church. But part of the problem is that there's no church in the immediate area that is right for me. And so instead of driving far each Sunday or settling for a "good enough," I just avoid the whole question. And it just bothers me.
Ok, so I only got to 8, but that's OK. And significantly, there are more "hates" than "loves." That's food for thought, as they say.
15 November 2007
One More Thing. . .
Ok, so sometimes, I just want to say that boys suck. And I don't know--this public forum probably isn't the place to name names. But they just make me mad.
Lauri's Fiance George
One more thing about the Housewives of OC. Why doesn't Lauri do something about George's hair. Recently, I read that someone compared it to Billy Ray Cyrus's hair when he was sill doing "Achy, Breaky Heart."
More Reality TV: The Real Housewives of Orange County
Some of you know that I watch, with a near religious fervor, The Real Housewives of Orange County. Some of you also know that I really enjoy trash talking the Housewives. And, at least until this new season, it wasn't really any of the individual Housewives, with the exception of Jo de la Rosa, who really bugged me; it was more the whole thing. You know, the whole I'm-cool-because-I'm-from-OC, or the I'm-poor-because-I-live-in-a-townhouse-in-Ladera, or the I'm-hot-because-I've-been-to-the-Playboy-mansion thing that bugged me. However, I can definitely say that the new "Housewife," Tamra Barney is a different story. She's like white trash with too much money. On the most recent installment, she has her Bunco-playing girlfriends over for Bunco night, which I guess is fine. But then she gets wasted on Jell-o shots. Can you get any trashier than that? Oh wait, her 21-year-old son with "Forever Grateful" tattooed across his chest (yes, he got it done for Mother's Day, because he's so grateful to his mom) is possibly trashier than she is. No, I'm not making any of this up. I just checked out her MySpace page--puke! Her husband leaves tons of messages telling her how hot she is. Oh, on the TV program, she says that one of her biggest goals right now is looking as good as she can. Seriously, does anyone else see anything wrong with this? You can call me a "hater," if you like; I don't care.
The real pressing question is this: is the term "housewife" being used ironically in the title of this program? Seriously.
09 November 2007
If I Weren't Afraid, Number 11. . .This One's for Zee
Ok, an addendum to yesterday's Thursday 13.
11. If I weren't afraid, yes, I'd write. I'd make it a priority. I'd write regularly. I'd pursue the children's books and the short stories and maybe even the novels that are floating around in my brain. I'd write and write and write. And I'd believe that it wouldn't matter if I never was published; I'd believe that writing for its own sake it the important thing. I'd bravely, fully write my soul.
11. If I weren't afraid, yes, I'd write. I'd make it a priority. I'd write regularly. I'd pursue the children's books and the short stories and maybe even the novels that are floating around in my brain. I'd write and write and write. And I'd believe that it wouldn't matter if I never was published; I'd believe that writing for its own sake it the important thing. I'd bravely, fully write my soul.
Kim Kardashian, Reality TV, and Playboy. . .
Ok, this has been bugging me the last couple of days. . . Is Playboy magazine just considered mainstream and socially acceptable? Is it not considered porn anymore? Or is it still considered porn and perfectly acceptable, anyway? So here's where this all is coming from, and I am prefacing this rant with the admission, a somewhat sheepish one, that I watch all that really bad E! and Bravo reality programming, including Keeping up with the Kardashians, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and yes, even The Girls Next Door. And just for the record, I have real objections to The Girls Next Door; I find it offensive on so many levels, and yet I watch it anyway. And I fully realize that by watching what I call "trashy TV" in the form of these offensive and even exploitive reality programs, I am contributing to the problem by simply being a consumer of this kind of thing. So here's the thing. . .
In the last two weeks or so, I've noticed that E! News and other entertainment news programs have been talking up Kim Kardashian's pictorial in Playboy, which is apparently available on newsstands now, or so says Ryan Seacrest. But here's the thing: is Playboy so mainstream, so socially acceptable that Ryan Seacrest sends us all out to buy it? The answer, it seems, is yes. This is so troubling for so many reasons. I am, partly for personal reasons, particularly opposed to pornography and tend to be overly sensitive to it. But it seems to me that, say, even 10 years ago, if people bought Playboy, they kept it on the DL. There was some sense of shame, a sense that there's some sort of social impropriety, or something, about it.
Anyway, I just watched the most recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, the one in which Kris Jenner, AKA Mamma K, encourages her daughter Kim to pose for Playboy. Here's what really bugged me about it. (And I realize that so-called reality TV is often edited in such a way that the reality of the situation may be obscured and misrepresented, but still. . .) Initially, Kim has hesitations about posing for Playboy; Mamma K encourages her to do it. Kim agrees to pose, but makes it very clear that she'll do lingerie shots but is uncomfortable with nudity. At the photo shoot, the photographers want her to take her top off. Kim won't do it. Mamma K encourages her to at least consider it. Hef phones for a second shoot. Mamma K and Kim meet with Hef. Hef says he wants a spread of Kim totally naked. Kim says she doesn't know if she wants to. Mamma K encourages it. So who does this to their daughter? What kind of mother encourages her daughter to get naked for Playboy? Seriously, Mamma K is pimping out her daughter, much to this dismay of Bruce Jenner, Mamma K's husband. Does anyone else have a problem with this? By the way, mom if you are reading this, thanks for not pimping me out like that, not that I have the body for it, but that's not the issue. Oh, and I just don't buy the argument that Playboy is tasteful and therefore somehow more acceptable than, say, Hustler. I should add, in the interest of fairness, that by the end of the episode Kim is on board with the whole project. I have to say that, generally, Kim seems likable enough; Mamma K makes me ill, especially in the way that she treats her husband.
And here's the other thing that gets me: apparently, all these celebrities and some of the Housewives of Orange County, people that present themselves as respectable, people that many in our society look up to, attend, apparently, all these crazy, racy, half-naked parties at the Playboy Mansion. I remember Lauri from the Housewives getting all dressed up for a Playboy party and being all proud about being able to get in. She's a mother. Don't her children deserve a better role model than that? And Lauri acting like this is all totally normal.
Don't even get me started on Holly, Bridgette, and Kendra, Hef's three live-in girlfriends featured on The Girls Next Door. A couple of days ago, they were guests on the network program Phonomenon, hosted by Criss Angel. This program isn't especially racy, isn't on cable; it's pretty mainstream. And there we have Hef's girls as the guests. Oh, last week's guest was Raven Simone. So we have the Disney tween star Raven and the Girls Next Door presented as equivalent. This is troubling.
I know that some will just think I'm a prude, that I'm overreacting. Some will say that if I don't like it, I don't have to watch it. And that all may be true. But the bottom line is that and Playboy and Maxim and Victoria's Secret ads and all the rest of the advertising that uses women's bodies to sell a product--all of it, it's objectifying women. It's contributing to a culture in which women are objectified, devalued, and eventually raped.
On an unrelated note: Has Heather Mills totally lost her mind?
In the last two weeks or so, I've noticed that E! News and other entertainment news programs have been talking up Kim Kardashian's pictorial in Playboy, which is apparently available on newsstands now, or so says Ryan Seacrest. But here's the thing: is Playboy so mainstream, so socially acceptable that Ryan Seacrest sends us all out to buy it? The answer, it seems, is yes. This is so troubling for so many reasons. I am, partly for personal reasons, particularly opposed to pornography and tend to be overly sensitive to it. But it seems to me that, say, even 10 years ago, if people bought Playboy, they kept it on the DL. There was some sense of shame, a sense that there's some sort of social impropriety, or something, about it.
Anyway, I just watched the most recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, the one in which Kris Jenner, AKA Mamma K, encourages her daughter Kim to pose for Playboy. Here's what really bugged me about it. (And I realize that so-called reality TV is often edited in such a way that the reality of the situation may be obscured and misrepresented, but still. . .) Initially, Kim has hesitations about posing for Playboy; Mamma K encourages her to do it. Kim agrees to pose, but makes it very clear that she'll do lingerie shots but is uncomfortable with nudity. At the photo shoot, the photographers want her to take her top off. Kim won't do it. Mamma K encourages her to at least consider it. Hef phones for a second shoot. Mamma K and Kim meet with Hef. Hef says he wants a spread of Kim totally naked. Kim says she doesn't know if she wants to. Mamma K encourages it. So who does this to their daughter? What kind of mother encourages her daughter to get naked for Playboy? Seriously, Mamma K is pimping out her daughter, much to this dismay of Bruce Jenner, Mamma K's husband. Does anyone else have a problem with this? By the way, mom if you are reading this, thanks for not pimping me out like that, not that I have the body for it, but that's not the issue. Oh, and I just don't buy the argument that Playboy is tasteful and therefore somehow more acceptable than, say, Hustler. I should add, in the interest of fairness, that by the end of the episode Kim is on board with the whole project. I have to say that, generally, Kim seems likable enough; Mamma K makes me ill, especially in the way that she treats her husband.
And here's the other thing that gets me: apparently, all these celebrities and some of the Housewives of Orange County, people that present themselves as respectable, people that many in our society look up to, attend, apparently, all these crazy, racy, half-naked parties at the Playboy Mansion. I remember Lauri from the Housewives getting all dressed up for a Playboy party and being all proud about being able to get in. She's a mother. Don't her children deserve a better role model than that? And Lauri acting like this is all totally normal.
Don't even get me started on Holly, Bridgette, and Kendra, Hef's three live-in girlfriends featured on The Girls Next Door. A couple of days ago, they were guests on the network program Phonomenon, hosted by Criss Angel. This program isn't especially racy, isn't on cable; it's pretty mainstream. And there we have Hef's girls as the guests. Oh, last week's guest was Raven Simone. So we have the Disney tween star Raven and the Girls Next Door presented as equivalent. This is troubling.
I know that some will just think I'm a prude, that I'm overreacting. Some will say that if I don't like it, I don't have to watch it. And that all may be true. But the bottom line is that and Playboy and Maxim and Victoria's Secret ads and all the rest of the advertising that uses women's bodies to sell a product--all of it, it's objectifying women. It's contributing to a culture in which women are objectified, devalued, and eventually raped.
On an unrelated note: Has Heather Mills totally lost her mind?
08 November 2007
Thursday Thirteen: What I Would Do If I Weren't Afraid
Prologue: Here's a great Thursday Thirteen from Zee--Thirteen Turkey Techniques. And I like this topic, what I'd do if I weren't afraid, in part because J.C.'s mantra is, "What Would I Do If I Weren't Afraid?" and she's a totally inspiration to me.
So here goes. . .
1. I'd go on the job market and see what happens. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job. I mostly enjoy what I do. But I'm thinking more and more that I'm just not very good at being a Vermonter. And I'm continually discouraged about my paycheck.
2. I'd move somewhere fun and sexy and interesting, or at least somewhere that felt like home. Again, I think there are lots of great things about Vermont. But I'm lonely. And, as I look towards winter, I realize that I just really don't like the cold.
3. I'd travel, see new places, experience new things. This seems important somehow. And yet, it never happens. Of course, money is always a problem--see #1 above.
OK, I'm having a hard time getting to 13 here. Does that mean that mostly I'm doing what I want to do?
4. I'd go to church. I'd go back to church--that's the more accurate way to say it. I'd become involved in a church. But for some reason (well, really for lots of reasons), it's so bound up in anxiety and hurt that I can't seem to do it. I have to admit that I'm really ashamed about this one.
5. I'd take sewing risks. I'd go for it and refashion old thing and sew new things and wear them all proudly, because they were mine.
6. I'd commit to Weight Watchers. I think that I haven't, at least for the past 9 months or so, really given it a shot because I'm afraid I'll fail. And when I fail, I'll have to feel bad about myself, like a failure. So I guess it's easier not to try. I know this isn't logical for any number of reasons. And yet I keep not trying, keep just ignoring it all.
7. I'd make an effort to establish new relationships here in Vermont. This is a hard one for me. I have social anxiety. And I worry that people won't like me; here, I guess I'm bound up in past rejection. Or I worry that I just won't be able to do it somehow. It's like, outside of my colleagues, I don't even know how to meet people any more.
8. I'd consider other career options. I don't know that I'd want to totally switch careers; maybe I would, maybe not. But I'd allow myself to think about it and seriously research it. I mean, I know that I'm mostly competent and that I'm a pretty good employee. And logically, I know that there are a number of things I'd probably be good at. But I don't know what those are right now.
Ok, now I'm really thinking I'll never get up to 13. Maybe I'll have to come back to this later.
9. I'd learn something new, take classes at the college maybe. I'd take art classes, or ballroom dancing, or anything that's simply different and outside of my usual realm of experience.
I got to 9! That's more than half of 13, and I'm good with that. Nine is more than I anticipated when I started typing. And sometimes good enough is good enough.
Oh, 10. I'd commit to find ways to make myself more content, to make my life full and fulfilling, to be a healthier person.
So here goes. . .
1. I'd go on the job market and see what happens. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job. I mostly enjoy what I do. But I'm thinking more and more that I'm just not very good at being a Vermonter. And I'm continually discouraged about my paycheck.
2. I'd move somewhere fun and sexy and interesting, or at least somewhere that felt like home. Again, I think there are lots of great things about Vermont. But I'm lonely. And, as I look towards winter, I realize that I just really don't like the cold.
3. I'd travel, see new places, experience new things. This seems important somehow. And yet, it never happens. Of course, money is always a problem--see #1 above.
OK, I'm having a hard time getting to 13 here. Does that mean that mostly I'm doing what I want to do?
4. I'd go to church. I'd go back to church--that's the more accurate way to say it. I'd become involved in a church. But for some reason (well, really for lots of reasons), it's so bound up in anxiety and hurt that I can't seem to do it. I have to admit that I'm really ashamed about this one.
5. I'd take sewing risks. I'd go for it and refashion old thing and sew new things and wear them all proudly, because they were mine.
6. I'd commit to Weight Watchers. I think that I haven't, at least for the past 9 months or so, really given it a shot because I'm afraid I'll fail. And when I fail, I'll have to feel bad about myself, like a failure. So I guess it's easier not to try. I know this isn't logical for any number of reasons. And yet I keep not trying, keep just ignoring it all.
7. I'd make an effort to establish new relationships here in Vermont. This is a hard one for me. I have social anxiety. And I worry that people won't like me; here, I guess I'm bound up in past rejection. Or I worry that I just won't be able to do it somehow. It's like, outside of my colleagues, I don't even know how to meet people any more.
8. I'd consider other career options. I don't know that I'd want to totally switch careers; maybe I would, maybe not. But I'd allow myself to think about it and seriously research it. I mean, I know that I'm mostly competent and that I'm a pretty good employee. And logically, I know that there are a number of things I'd probably be good at. But I don't know what those are right now.
Ok, now I'm really thinking I'll never get up to 13. Maybe I'll have to come back to this later.
9. I'd learn something new, take classes at the college maybe. I'd take art classes, or ballroom dancing, or anything that's simply different and outside of my usual realm of experience.
I got to 9! That's more than half of 13, and I'm good with that. Nine is more than I anticipated when I started typing. And sometimes good enough is good enough.
Oh, 10. I'd commit to find ways to make myself more content, to make my life full and fulfilling, to be a healthier person.
Ennui
Lately, I've been feeling this general ennui, with the except of the hours when I'm really able to concentrate on working, which is maybe the most fulfilling part of each day. But there's this pall of ennui, of general lethargy. I want to feel energy, to feel like the creative self that I actually like being. On and I do realize that this larger ennui is probably related to the lack of style I discuss below. And yet, I don't know just now, how to get beyond any of it. But what I'm REALLY trying to get to is this: nearly every day, I think, I really should blog (of course, labeling anything "should" is really just a guarantee that one probably won't actually do whatever it is). And I think, I really want to blog. Or, I really would enjoy blogging. See, it's more than just a should. But I don't. I just realized that this is my first post in weeks. And I don't even quite know how that happened, because it's truly something that I enjoy and find somehow nurturing. Maybe that's at the heart of it all--maybe I'm just not bothering to take care of myself lately. I don't know anymore. But maybe this is the important thing: I'm here now. I'm posting now. Oh, by the way, I really kind of like the word "ennui." I mean it's almost like onomatopoeia or something. I mean, something about the word sounds like the thing is means, or the emotive connotation that the word means. I feel the same about the word "skank."
Ok, so I hereby resolve to work through this ennui. Or at least figure out how to do it (and yes, I do have an appointment to see a new therapist in a few weeks!. Or at least to start taking care of myself. Every time I speak to my grandfather on the phone, he says that he hopes I'm taking care of myself and reminds me that if I don't take care of myself, no one will. I do know that the bottom like there is that 1) he loves me and 2) he's right. So I'll do it.
Ok, so I hereby resolve to work through this ennui. Or at least figure out how to do it (and yes, I do have an appointment to see a new therapist in a few weeks!. Or at least to start taking care of myself. Every time I speak to my grandfather on the phone, he says that he hopes I'm taking care of myself and reminds me that if I don't take care of myself, no one will. I do know that the bottom like there is that 1) he loves me and 2) he's right. So I'll do it.
A New Look
You may or may not notice that I've a new look (which is really a comfortable, old look) for my blog. This is indicative, I think, of my desire for a new "look" for myself. The past six months or so, I've just suddenly felt so frumpy! And I can't quite figure out why I feel so frumpy (is it because I'm feeling so chunky? because the clothes I like don't fit the way they used to?), but I do. I mean, I'm no big fashionista or anything. But I used to do my hair and put on funky eyeshadow and wear fun, funky clothes, and I felt good about myself, about how I looked. I mean, I felt like I had this fun, funky, interesting, sometimes cute look. And I felt good about myself. And that has just somehow fallen by the wayside. Is this some weird result of depression? Or am I just growing up and becoming less superficial? I don't think that's it, because I still want to feel like I look cute and fun. Evidence (and Zee can testify), at least one morning a week, I do march into work and say, "Hey, look at my fun socks," to at least one person. And I guess that I want to get to that place where I'm having fun with my appearance and being creative with my appearance and feel like I look cute--here I concede that what I consider cute others may consider ridiculous, stripey knee socks, for instance. And that's Ok--I mean if most of the rest of you think it's silly or just don't get it or whatever, that's fine. But I still want to feel like I'm being creative in this way and like I'm being true to my own sense of style. And that's just not happening lately.
So what's the solution to all this? I can't figure it out. Is it just as simple as losing weight? Or is there more to it? Or is it as simple as getting a new hair cut and actually styling it before going to work in the morning? Or is it as simple as buying a few really basic but wonderfully fitting wardrobe items, you know, basic things that I can wear all the time and that make me feel really good when I put them on? I don't know what the solution is, and I suspect that it's not anything terribly simple. Maybe it's just that I'm slowly but surely secumbing to being a Vermonter--yikes! I hope that's not it. I just can't get a handle on this, and it's making me feel more discouraged.
So what's the solution to all this? I can't figure it out. Is it just as simple as losing weight? Or is there more to it? Or is it as simple as getting a new hair cut and actually styling it before going to work in the morning? Or is it as simple as buying a few really basic but wonderfully fitting wardrobe items, you know, basic things that I can wear all the time and that make me feel really good when I put them on? I don't know what the solution is, and I suspect that it's not anything terribly simple. Maybe it's just that I'm slowly but surely secumbing to being a Vermonter--yikes! I hope that's not it. I just can't get a handle on this, and it's making me feel more discouraged.
15 October 2007
Back to Work
After a hiatus (a somewhat working hiatus) of just over 10 days, I'm back to work. And I'm ready; it's good to be back; I'm ready for structure and a schedule. However, this morning, I had a rude reminder of several things. One: the college doesn't bother to turn on the heat until after mid-October. Consequently, it's below 60 in my office. I'm not exaggerating! But I am freezing. Two: a 10-day hiatus means a backlog of e-mail. Ick! I spent far too much time this morning simply hitting the delete button in my e-mail program. Three: although I grumble about the pay, I really do enjoy my job. I get to spend my time reading and writing and talking about all kinds of fascinating things each day. I remember one of the first college-level literature classes I taught, and I remember at the end of each three-hour class meeting, thinking, "I can't believe that someone's paying me to do this. I do this all the time with friends just for fun." I suppose that now, grumbling about the low pay demonstrates just how mercenary I've become. But the work is, for the most part, still lotsa fun.
On an unrelated note: Over the weekend, I started reading Anne Sexton. And apparently, she loves (yes, I'll talk about her in the present tense) the palindrome "rats live on no evil star." And that seems like one worth sharing.
On an unrelated note: Over the weekend, I started reading Anne Sexton. And apparently, she loves (yes, I'll talk about her in the present tense) the palindrome "rats live on no evil star." And that seems like one worth sharing.
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