a president, a King
13 years ago
12 May 2007
Weight
Since the first of the year, I've gained about 15 pounds. And there's not such a good reason for it, unless it's paxil (some call it pack-it-on-paxil). But I'm off that now, have been for six weeks or so. And the weight isn't going away. And I don't know how to explain how painful and difficult it is, living with the weight. My clothes don't fit--I'm down to about 2 pairs of pants and 3 skirts that I can wear. And I don't know. It's just emotionally debilitating, although I can tell myself it shouldn't be. So I've started Weight Watchers, again. But I don't know; it's all so hard. And I'm so discouraged that I do rather just want to give up and give in and decide that I'm going to be OK with being heavy, although I don't really know how to be OK with it. And I'm so, so frustrated, mostly with myself, which is the worst frustration of all. And I feel so alone in it somehow. Isn't that like some kind of weird refrain for me? I don't want to feel alone any more.
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3 comments:
I'm sure you look wonderful.
Hey There!
First of all, I am sure you are still wearing the supercool duds, and still remain a cutie even with paxil-poundage.
Secondly, I hope you and the pups are doing well! I just happened to find your blog again on here!
Have a great day Drennan, and good luck w/ WW!!
-J from NH
hey d. you're certainly not alone. but there is something debilitating about the way tight pants make you feel so isolated from the rest of the world. i'm actually dreading going home because somehow instead of eating all this healthy fish and walking five miles a day in the snow i've subsisted on chocolate and fish and chips and even though i haven't driven anywhere in like 73 days i feel like a slug. and every day i wake up and say, ok, this morning at breakfast i'm just going to have fruit and an egg and i'm going to run with o. up four flights of stairs instead of taking the lift and i'm going to do yoga and sometimes it happens but mostly i just feel so icky that i really do need that chocolate. and so while it seems ok to have a euro middle back in the oc even moms with triplets (hmm maybe thats the secret) are fit and trim three weeks out. and god forbid i have to put a bathing suit on when it hits 90. anyhow, i didnt mean for this to be my rant but just to say, yeah... i know the feeling and how easy it is to fixate on it. and i know that even if you've put on 15 pounds you're still my fashion idol, which of course, is why we're friends winkwink...
c.
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