Ok, so I haven't posted much lately--here's a quickie update.  I'm feeling less depressed / anxious, which is good.  I've been busy with prepping for the new semester--classes start Monday.  I always kinda enjoy getting all organized and putting together syllabi and planning out my semester, but it's always a little maddening too.  For example, yesterday, I discovered that three novels I'd planned to teach this fall are out of print.  That really hadn't occurred to me as a possibililty (silly me!) and wasn't an eventuality that I'd considered.  And it was just somehow so frustrating.  I mean, it seems especially ridiculous (or something) that in a series of detective novels, all but one would be available, especially when it's the one that everyone seems to think the best.  And yes, they can be purchased used online for really very reasonable prices.  But that sort of isn't the point.  I guess it was an unexpected bump in the road, or whatever.  And I've been working a lot--mental work, not physical labour--and I've been tired but not able to get to sleep.  And the whole insomnia thingy is always maddening in its own way.  And then, I've been really craving a good cheese burger, which is unlike me, mostly because I don't normally eat dead cow.  So I guess I just don't really know what's going on with me other than to say that I've been working a lot and I'm tired but I'm somehow satisfied.

I don't know where to begin.  I've been back from CA for nine days now, and with each passing day, I've become increasingly blah feeling.  With the exception of yesterday, it's rained every day since I've been back.  And maybe that's part of my current listlessness.  About four days ago, I had several nights of wicked bad insomnia, and that affects my mood too.  And maybe it's just that I'm ready to go back to work; after all, it's been about three months since I've really worked.  The only other summer I've not taught was the summer I was working, nearly feverishly, to finish my dissertation.  And that counts as work, doesn't it?  I had grand plans, at one point, to get lots and lots of studying and prep and writing done over the summer, but somehow that didn't happen.  Until I left for CA, I did get lots of crafting and yoga and fun reading done, and it seems like that's really, really what I needed to do with my summer.  (And wow, when's the last time I wrote a "what I did with my summer vacation" essay?)  But now, on the other end of things, I feel icky, that whole I-haven't-accomplished-anything feeling, coupled with creeping anxiety, the paralyzing kind.  And apparently Netflix is having technical difficulties, so I don't have anything good to watch.  *sigh*  I'm just feeling kinda lonely and lost and purposeless.  Not good.  But starting next week, I'll just have to get a lot of work done, in anticipation of the new semester, and really, maybe that's good for me.  I'm looking forward to it.

Oi.  So I haven't posted in ages, and there are lots of good reasons for my silence.  But they really aren't that interesting, I suppose.  I was in California for nearly 2 weeks.  It was a good, if somewhat exhausting, trip.  But I think I'm glad to be home.  My semester starts in less than two weeks, and I'm feeling pretty anxious about it.  I don't know why I'm feeling anxious, but it's a really unpleasant (at best) kind of feeling.  And so it goes.  I'm at work today, attempting to pencil out syllabi and plan for the semester; classes require more advance planning than most people suspect.  It feels good to be getting organized and sorted and all that.  It seems that I only have really banal kinds of things to say.  Oh well.

T13: Things For Which I Feel Thankful Every Day

I've probably said this before, but I'm convinced that at least part of the key to contentment is truly appreciating the small, everyday kinds of things in our lives.  And lately, I've been very much aware of the things and happenings and people for which I feel truly thankful each day.  And so I offer this list, hoping that I can make it to thirteen.  Some are obvious, some mundane, but always counting our blessings seems like a healthy practics.

1.  Dishes.  Some of you know that I own more than one set of dishes.  And I enjoy them all.  I love having what I consider just the right bowl or plate for each occasion and each meal.  And I want different bowls for oatmeal and soup and ice cream and salad, and I enjoy them all.  The same with tea cups and mugs and tea pots.

2.  Dogs.  Quite literally, every day I am so thankful that each one of my dogs is a part of my life.  Each is different, and I have a different relationship with each.  But each provides so much love.  And my life is absolutely richer because of Guinnie, Polly, and Fenway.

3.  Books.  I read at least something each day.  And my life, again, is more full and rich and meaningful because of books and books and more books.

4.  My yard.  One thing I love about this time of year in Vermont is that every day there's something new and different to see in my yard.  Taking the dogs out each day is like a treasure hunt.

5.  Soup.  I really love soup.  There are so many variations, and regardless of the time of year, I find it to be such a satisfying meal.  Plus, it's a really good excuse for bread and butter!

6.  Creativity.  I like the sense of living creatively.  I like feeling like the mundane things I do, I can do creatively.  I mean, when I cook or get dressed or whatever, I'm always looking for opportunities to do these things creatively.

7.  Textiles and Fibers:  I've been sewing and crafting lately, and it's just so wonderful.  And although small things, I feel so blessed by fabric and paper and yarn and ribbon and all kinds of materials.  Just a small spool of grosgrain ribbon, purchased for less than a dollar, can afford so much sheer joy.  A skein of yarn can produce absolute bliss.

8.  Scented candles.  Again, candles aren't so important in the grand scheme of things, and yet the enjoyment they bring far outweighs their monetary value.

9.  Clean sheets.  I love the feeling of freshly laundered sheets.  There's nothing quite so perfect as getting into bed when the sheets are just right.

10.  Tea.  My doctor has suggested that maybe I should cut back on my tea consumption.  And in theory, I suppose it's not a bad idea.  But in practice, I just am not ready to cut back.  Tea, again, provides a satisfaction that is difficult to describe.

11.  A perfect turkey sandwich.  Lately, I'm in love with this sandwich that they sell at the deli of my local grocery store.  It's turkey with cranberry sauce and stuffing on a cibatta roll. And it is just delightful.

12.  Yoga practice.  Yoga practice provides a state of relaxation and well being that I've seldom found elsewhere.   Again, it's something that's difficult to describe yet, like tea, something I just don't want to live without.

13.  Friends.  Daily, I feel deeply, deeply thankful for my friends.

So maybe this list is sappy and predictable.  I mean, who doesn't care about friends?  It's just that at this single, precise moment, all these seem really important, and I feel so much deep gratitude for all thirteen.

A Perfect Meal

There's something exciting and wonderful and so satisfying about having an ideal meal, you know?  It's like sometimes the culinary planets are in perfect alignment, and the meal is just right for the situation.  And that makes me so totally happy.  I just had a late supper of a small bowl of lobster bisque and a glass of Riesling.  And it somehow seemed just right (call me Goldilocks) for this steamy summer evening.  And the soup wasn't homemade, just something I picked up from the grocery store take-out section.  And it doesn't seem like a cream soup would be so perfect for my sticky, hot state.  And yet, it all seemed just right.  It's getting close to 9:00.  I plan to get in bed early, finish my wine, and watch Bravo while reading Jasper Fforde until I'm ready to sleep.  It almost feels like all is right with the world.

I Heart CA

Lately, all I can think about is that I wish I were in California.  And I'll be visiting in a week, but that's not what I mean.  I want to be living someplace that feels like home, not like some different culture where I'll never quite find my place, because that's how New England feels to me.  It's been hot the past few days, but not that dry, desert heat that I associate with home.  It's been warm but wet and rainy and it feels like there's nowhere fun to go, nothing fun to do.  I take that back:  there's lots fun to do right at home, but nowhere to go.  I want to be where there are real malls and Targets and Gaps.  Is that just superficial?  Oh, let's not forget Trader Joe's and Mexican food.  Really, is that asking too much?  I''m tired, at least for now, of this sodden but oh-so-green summer.  I want the desert.  And I want to be with friends.  And I want to feel like I'm a part of something larger than myself.

A Crafting Update

I've almost finished this dress--I still need to hem it.  And although it's kinda boring in the picture, it's cute on.  It's Simplicity 2846.   It's made of a fairly light weight cambric.  And my idea is that I can wear it now as a summery dress and later with a turtleneck and tights as a jumper.  But what's really exciting is that I've been researching how to alter patterns for a fuller bust--apparently it's called a FBA or a full bust alteration.  And this dress is my first experiment with it; it turned out really well, and I'm quite pleased with the fit.

Also, I've been working on some hand embroidery.  This is a pink creamer motif on a tea towel.  It's from Aunt Martha's Hot Iron Transfers 3890.  I really love the vintage quality of this piece and plan to do a tea towel with a matching sugar bowl, although that may be a while in coming.



So, with one project and another, I've been a busy stitcher.  And it makes me very happy.  Such fun, and so practical too!

Success (For Real This Time)!

I'm so very pleased to say that my basement is just about in the shape I've always wanted it to be in.  I've spent several hours each of the last three or four days working away.  I'm just so excited--it's been just over two years since I've had "organize basement" on my list of things to do.  There are just a few more changes I think I want to make.  First, I think I want a second table to work at.  Right now, I have a 60x30 inch folding table for crafting, sewing, cutting out fabric, whatever.  But I think that purchasing a second, inexpensive folding table would be wonderful, so that I can have more than one project going at a time and still have space to spread out.  I figure if I position them in an L-shape, I can roll on my office chair from project to project.  Second, I think I want to paint the walls, although I'm not sure what color.  I think it would be super fun to do a wall or part of a wall in chalkboard paint.  I mean, wouldn't that be great to be able to write notes and such on the wall?  I'm also thinking about buying some of that primer filled with iron filings for a part of a wall; it's this great product that makes the surface such that magnets adhere to it.  Again, that seems both fun and practical.  But we'll see--there are other paint projects around the house that I may want to tackle first.  One of my goals in organizing the space was not to purchase anything--shelving, storage bins, whatever--but to only use what I already had on hand.  I'm pleased to say that I met this particular goal.  So things are good--this feels really great.

Success!

Well, maybe "success" is too strong a word.  But I feel like I'm approaching it.  Sometime last week, I know I wrote about how I feel so defeated by my basement.  But today, I'm pleased to say, I did spend some time down there organizing stuff and making it a more comfortable, usable space.  And it feels really good to feel like I'm making some progress.  Don't get me wrong--I still have a long way to go.  And it may never be perfect.  But at least I'm doing something and not just allowing anxiety to get the better of me.  I realize that part of the problem is that I really have more stuff than I have usable storage for.  And I suppose that part of the solution is to stop acquiring stuff that I can't really store and ultimately don't make use of.  I know this is pretty obvious, but I feel like it's something that I need to remind myself of.  (Oh dear, I ended the last three sentences with prepositions--bad, bad, bad!)  Anyhow, I do feel good about simply facing the situation and taking some sort of action.  I plan to reward myself by opening a bottle of my favorite everyday wine, Ravenswood Vintner's Blend Zinfandel.

Ian McEwan's Atonement

So last night, I started reading McEwan's novel Atonement.  When the movie came out (was it 6? 9? months ago), I had zero interest in the film.  This may be because of Kira Knightley's presence, or it may be because there were lots of war scenes in the TV commercials.  Either way, the movie wasn't appealing to me, but the novel sounded interesting.  So I started it last night.  I've read about 60 pages, and it's beautifully written.  And the same events are told from several different perspectives--I like that in a novel.  Something about it reminds me of V. Woolf, although it's not terribly stream-of-consciousy.  But it's interesting and well written.

Frustration

Ok, so I have a fairly large finished basement.  It's a really great space in a number of ways.  When I first moved it, my idea was to use it as a study.  And so I have my desktop computer and lots of books down there.  However, a little over a year ago, I started using one of my upstairs bedrooms as a place to work and read and write and all that.  And my idea was that the entire downstairs, or most of it anyway, could be used as a dedicated crafting space.  And it's a great space for that kind of thing.  And I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a big table where I can leave out my sewing machine and fabric or paper and stamps or whatever else I'm working on.  This kind of space is, of course, any crafter's dream.  But here's the problem.  My basement is this total disorganized mess.  It's become this messy catch-all storage place.  I have bins of old clothes that I want to get rid of or refashion or just store.  I have stacks of paper and stickers and cards and paper crafting supplies.  I have bins and boxes of fabric and patterns.  I have ink and stamps and markers and dominoes everywhere.  And try as I might, it's like I can never get the space organized.  Part of the problem is that I don't have storage for some of the stuff that would allow it to be accessible.  The other part of the problem is that I simply have too much stuff, and that frustrates me, so I just tend to avoid having to deal with it.  And it's really bad.  Anyone who's seen it in recent months could verify that it's a mess, that there's too much stuff, and that it's probably hazardous, for some day I'm going to trip on something, I just know it.  And it's such a shame because I have this great space that I'm not using.  I'm convinced that if I could get organized and maybe get another table, I'd spend more time creating and that, consequently, I'd be happier.  It's so frustrating, and I don't even know where to begin.  Arrgh!

Ruminating on Feminism and the Third Wave and Marriage

Ok, I know this is a topic that I keep rehashing here, but it's because I keep rehashing it in my head.  I've been really trying to decide what it means for me when I say that I'm a feminist.  And really more to the point, can I be a feminist and really like crafting and glittery eye makeup?  Some might say no.  The third wavers might say yes.  I'm becoming increasingly frustrated over this topic, and I don't know why.  But I'm ready to throw up my hands, quit my job, and get pregnant.  Just kidding.  What I'm discovering more and more is that being single, living alone, not having the kind of support system that might come from a partnership is really difficult.  And I wonder if single men feel this way.  I mean, I certainly don't fool myself into thinking that all my problems would magically go away if I were married, but it does seem like some of my problems would be easier to face, you know?  And what does this mean about me in terms of feminism?  I mean, I think that marriage is a wonderful thing, and there are manifold reasons that marriage, as an institution, has stood the test of time.  But is there something wrong or somehow unfeminist of me to believe that at least some things would be easier if only I had the right kind of man in my life?  It all gets very discouraging in that as I get older it seems like there are fewer and fewer options out there; it's harder and harder to meet men whom might interest me.  Ok, so here's where someone is supposed to jump in and suggest eHarmony.  Ha, ha.  Seriously, something about their TV commercials kinda freaks me out, you know?  I mean, it feels too kinda system-ish or something, like they will assign you a quotient and then match you with compatible quotients, and suddenly we're all just numbers.  Actually, just out of curiosity, about six weeks ago, I went to the eHarmony web site and filled out their questionnaire thingy, just to see what they'd say.  And you want to know what they said?  They said that they couldn't help me--mind you, this was after I'd answered any number of crazy questions.  They couldn't help me.  So now I'm an eHarmony reject.  That's Ok, eHarmony, I didn't need you anyway--I feel like the woman scorned or something.  I keep telling myself that if it's meant to be, I'll meet the right man.  I also keep hearing the voice that says, "You just gotta put yourself out there."  I'm never quite sure what that means.  Is it so different from saying "You're really out there."  This digression, of course, is reminding me of Fox Mulder and "The Truth is Out There," which as a kind of zippy tag line, I find quite useful.  I'm going to stop now, as I've wandered away from the proposed topic. 

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Things I Never Leave Home Without. . .errr. . .Without Which I Never Leave Home

Was is Master Card that had the "don't leave home without it" ad campaign?  Well, I've been thinking lately about the ridiculous amount of stuff that I feel like I have to tote around with me.  Some of this seems really superfluous but I tend to have this irrational panic that I'll get somewhere and not have the thing I need.

1.  Lip gloss.  OK, this is totally a necessity.  I usually have more than one color in my purse.  One day, I went to a lecture on campus and found that I'd left my pencil case in my office.  But I had 8 different lip glosses with me.  Priorities.

2.  Pencils and pens in a variety of colors.  In spite of once arriving at a lecture without a writing implement, I normally carry around a couple of pencils and, maybe, eight pens.  I like to be able to color code things.  Plus, you never know when you'll need to write, which leads me to. . .

3.  Several notebooks.  I carry a tote bag that always has at least three notebooks in it, usually five or six.  I love the old school marble covered composition books.  And I have different notebooks for different things.  One's a general journal.  One's my monthly budget (really high tech!).  One's devoted specifically to lists of different sorts.  I know it's kinda OCD of me, but I feel like I need to have at least some of my notebooks with me at all times.

4.  A book.  I often think that the single most useful thing I learned in graduate school is to take a book everywhere one goes.  If I'm stuck in a waiting room or in my office or wherever, I can always read.

5.  My iPod.  This one is self evident, no?

6.  My blue turtle beady buddy.  Maybe about 10 years ago, beady buddies were all the rage with the younger set. My brother made me one, and I promised to carry it with me always.  Hence, it's always in my purse or my school bag.

7.  Cell phone.  Again, self evident.

8.  Library card. 

9.  Hand cream.  Really, when don't you need moisturizer.

10.  A spare pair of socks.  Yes, I always keep those in my tote bag.  Again, you just never know.

11.  A variety of stickers.  I am especially fond of Hello Kitty and company.

12.  The instruction booklet for my pedometer.  I'm not sure why this is in my tote bag or why I never take it out.

13.  My tiny, purse size mirror with the Wife of Bath on the back.  This is a momento  from the Huntington Library where the Ellsmere manuscript is housed.

A New Pic of Mama's Baby Boy

Ok, ok I know that I kinda go overboard with the doggie pics.  But here's a new one of Fenway.  I just think he's such a handsome guy.

Another Altered Tee!

Here's another altered tee project.  The red tee is slashed up, and a tank top is to be worn underneath.  I like how this one turned out.  I don't know if you can really tell from the photo (and yes, it's a crappy photo with all the stuff hanging behind the shirt), but it's got a off the shoulder ala Flashdance kind of look.

Thursday Thirteen, Special Wednesday Edition: Hip, Funky, Indie Crafting Resources

Ok, I've probably already said something like this, but lately all I want to do is practice yoga, meditate, read for a bit and then craft.  I love cutting up paper and adding glitter and tying on some ribbon and whatever else.  It's all I want to do:  I dream about fabrics and colors and textures.  I wake up wanting to cut and mix paint colors and whatever else.  And I've also been trying to come up with a cool name for my crafty alter ego.  Right now, I'm thinking Stitchy Woman sounds good, although not terribly original.  I'd like it if my crafty personality weren't the alter ego but the real me.  Did that make sense?  And I don't really even like the term alter ego, because more and more, it seems to me that so many things, crafting included, are about transcending the ego.  Lest I wax ridiculous, I'm just going to jump into the list of funky, wonderful craft resources.  Some of these I've found on my own; some are courtesy of some of you.

1.  Sublime Stitching.  This site, based in Austin, TX, has the greatest embroidery patterns--lots of gothic, alternative stuff.  I just ordered the Sexy Librarian pattern--isn't it perfect for me?

2.  Craft Stylish.  This web site has tons of stuff for all kinds of crafting.  Again, I love that it's hip and young.  And the site seems user friendly.

3.  Craft Leftovers.  OK, so you know how we buy all this fabric and paper and ribbon and trim and whatever else, but we never actually get around to using it?  Maybe it's because the one who dies with the most fabric wins.  But really, this site, which has all kinds of fun ideas, was originally put together in the interest of using up all that accumulated stuff.  This seems like a good crafting philosophy--do work on using up all the stuff we've bought but never gotten to.

4.  Amy Butler's In Stitches.  I really love Amy Butler's style; she designs the most wonderful textiles.  This book, which contains a number of patterns, is devoted to home dec.  While it's not as alternative as, say, Sublime Stitching, this book has a number of great ideas and beautiful, inspiring photos.  Amy Butler also puts out some beautiful, although costly, patterns.

5.  Sew U.  This book, by Wendy Mullin, includes several basic fashion patterns.  But the great thing is that, in addition to basic sewing instruction, Wendy uses her "Built by Wendy" approach to show how you can create endless variations on a single, basic pattern.  I love this idea--that something basic and plain can become one-of-a-kind.  Simplicity has published a number of "Built by Wendy" patterns that work on the same principle.  Wendy Mullin's web site can be found here.

6. Craft.  This is a wonderful magazine and web site.  Craft tends to include an eclectic mix of projects and articles and such.  Many of the craft projects are more involved and complicated than I'm wanting to be, but it's great.  I find all kinds of stuff that I wouldn't expect to see elsewhere.

7. OK, I'm going to include Lucky magazine and the J Crew catalogue in this list.  Although these publications are clearly not devoted to crafting and creativity, I do find inspiration in them.  When I look through them, I tear out pics of jewelry and clothing that I love; then I think about creative ways to recreate the looks that I like. 

8.  Wardrobe Refashion.  This site is, as the name would suggest, devoted to creative ways of refashioning old clothing.  It's great.  One can take a "pledge" to buy no new clothes and instead refashion clothing one already has or refashioning thrift store finds.  I like the whole not acquiring "stuff" philosophy.  And there are a number of contributors, who are all at-home sewers, to the site.  Lately, I'm enchanted with refashioned and altered fashion.

9.  Generation T: 108 Ways to Transform a T-Shirt.   I've posted about this book recently.  It's superfun and contains a number of easy, no-sew projects as well as more complicated things.  It also encourages reusing and refashioning, which I love.

10.  Rip It!  This is another book devoted to refashioning and altering clothing.  It presents some great ideas.

11.  Threads.  This is a magazine devoted to sewing, mostly clothing.  One thing I like about it is that it explores basic as well as advanced techniques.  Also, it's sometimes linked to patterns, from Simplicity I think, and shows you how to alter and embellish these patterns.

12.  Vickie Howell.  I love this woman.  She has several books out, a great web site, and even programs on the DIY channel, 230, if you have DirecTV.  She's from Austin, I think, and she's super cool.  For example, last week she was on DIY, knitting with Lisa Loeb.  What's cooler than that?  She sews, knits, and generally makes the world a cooler place.

13.  Tim Holtz.  Tom Holtz has a number of interesting products.  Apparently, you can watch him on YouTube, although I've not tried this myself.  His work tends to be less alternative crafty and more classy, but he does beautiful stuff. 


Honorable Mentions:  I absolutely love Adorn and Sew Stylish magazines.  Both, however, have gone the way of all flesh, if you know what I mean:  kicked the bucket, bought the farm, passed on to that big craft studio in the sky.  It's a shame because both were really great. 

One More Reason to Believe in Magic

FIREFLIES

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen Reasons I Believe in Magic

When I was researching for and writing my dissertation several years ago, I remember reading quite a lot about how in England Medievals and Elizabethians thought about magic differently. Or anyway, some theorized that they did. I'm not sure how hard and fast the distinction is. I do know that Medieval Europeans thought about magic and what constitutes magic (and what constitutes science) differently than most of us might. For example, we might think of the Philosopher's Stone, which supposedly can turn any base metal into gold and can also bestow eternal life, as something supernatural, or just a silly idea. To medievals, it was simply science. And it occurs to me that how we define magic or miracle is a culturally defined or even a personally proscribed kind of thing. If I remember correctly C.S. Lewis said that miracles are things that could and maybe would occur naturally but happen at a miraculous speed. Or something to that effect. I'm fascinated, for some reason, by the etymology of the word influenza. Apparently, medievals believed that any sickness that couldn't be explained by causal, natural events was simply a result of the planetary influences; thus we have influenza. Your astrology causes the flu. And yet, if we could speak to medieval peasants or even more learned members of medieval society and explain that really the flu is caused by a virus, which is this living organism that somehow infects the body, would this really sound any more logical or reasonable? I mean, the medieval might ask to see such a virus, and of course, they are not visible to the naked eye. Is the explanation that we accept, that a virus causes the flu, really any less supernatural or magical than attributing sickness to the planetary influences or even to some spiritual presence. In this spirit, then, I offer thirteen reasons that I believe in magic.

1. Humans are able to look at symbols, dashes of ink really, written across a page and decipher some sort of meaning that is akin to spoken language. Reading is magical.

2. If reading is magical, writing is even more magical. Not only can we interpret symbols, often in complex arrangements, but we can produce them and communicate our thoughts, feelings, and dreams. Writing is another kind of magic. And the pen, as we all know, is indeed mightier than the sword.

3. I suppose that although speech is more natural to humans than reading and writing, speech is magical in its own right. We make sounds with our bodies. And these sounds serve to communicate. But they do more than simply communicate. Words have power.

4. Seeds grow into plants. This is a kind of magic, for what human could have created such workings? We plant tiny seeds, sometimes they look like rocks. Mostly, they certainly don't look alive. And yet, sun and rain and air and earth are all they seem to need. And life appears. And it isn't, of course, some sort of random spontaneous life. But seeds become plants, and plants grow. Every day, there's something new to see in my yard. This, indeed, is magic, more magical than any purported supernatural event.

5. The world is full of colors. Color seem to me to be particularly magical. And not only do we perceive color, but we respond to it on nonconscious and emotional levels. Color means; color moves us.

6. We love and are loved in return. What could be more magical than the mystery yet the nearly universal experience of love, especially sacrificial love.

7. As humans, we are conscious of our mortality. We remember the past, and we understand that there is to be a future. Some argue that this is an important factor than separates us from animals. This also seems to be the curse of humans--it's difficult to live in the present and to fully appreciate the present when we are hung up on the past or worried about the future. And yet, to have this range, this spectrum of experience seem to me to be magic.

8. Our necessities can become pleasures; this is magic. Of course we need to eat. But eating is, for many of us, more than just fulfilling a basic need. We can enjoy it, and we do enjoy it.

9. We have the ability and sometimes the imperative to create. Again, some would argue that creativity, the drive to produce art, is what separates humans from animals. We write songs; we paint; we present our food in a way that is pleasing to the eye; we experiment with our food and our wardrobes and how we speak and how we think. We try new ways of doing things, and even if we return to the old ways, we are sometimes better for having tried something new. This ability to create, to produce a painting or a song that is not just interesting but moving, is truly magic, more so than anything I've read about in folk tales or in Arthuriana. Merlin is no more a magician than you and I. Or maybe it's better to say that you and I are just as much magicians, mages as Merlin.

10. Maybe this is just another form of love, but as humans we have the need to feel connected to something outside ourselves. We connect to other people, to social causes, to God. John Donne reminds us that no man is an island. What he doesn't say is that we are not islands, in part, because we need to feel connected to something other than ourselves.

11. We experience loss and pain, but we heal. And most importantly we grow. Humans are not emotionally or intellectually or spiritually stagnant, or not for very long. We hurt, and we don't like hurting, but we grow. Growth and beauty and strength can come from pain. And people do have the ability to change. This is even more magical than an oak growing from a tiny acorn.

Ok, so that was only 11. I really thought I could do a full 13. Still, a list of 11 reasons is better than no list at all. And maybe I can edit this post later. I do believe in magic. All these things, part of our everyday, natural life seem just as magic as anything we might imagine or read about. I think that because so many of these are mundane we tend to take them for granted, and yet, who would we be with out love and communication and each other?

Oh, OK, it's a couple hours later, and I just thought of two more magical things.

12. Risotto is, indeed, magical. There is, for me, something really fulfilling and satisfying and, yes, magic about making risotto. I mean, it's not hard but it always feels like adding the liquid a bit at a time and stirring and stirring until the whole starchy thing has this almost creamy texture is fascinating and akin to magic. How can it be that rice with a little olive oil and a little onion and a little white wine and a lot of broth can become something so luxe and rich and decadent? Because that's always my experience of even a very simple at-home risotto.

13. Silly, impulsive, fearless crafting is magic. I know that this last item might not make sense to many others, and certainly it's somehow related to creativity. But I love impulsive, inexpensive crafts. I love taking something plain and creating something unique that reflects something about me. See for example, the tee shirts below. I love crocheting scarves and dying slips from goodwill and refashioning things that I've not worn in ages and gluing beads and glitter to everything and sewing and cutting up pretty paper. And I love not worrying about how it'll turn out but simply enjoying the process of creating. I love getting lost in the activity. I love feeling smart and sassy and creative. I love, even, pairing funky argyle socks with a drab skirt and sweater, so that I feel like I've created even a look that's "me." I know that all of this may not sound magic to anyone else. But it is. What could be more magic than using nothing but, say, scissors and glue and pretty paper to make a lovely card?

And so there you have it: some of the reasons that I don't just believe in magic but embrace it.

Wiki Idea

This just occurred to me. What we really, really need, seriously, is a wiki devoted to literary criticism. How helpful would that be? Oh and Thursday Next can define Reader Response Theory much better than I ever could. But more on that later.

Communication and Miscommunication

On Sunday morning, I woke up to a message on my answering machine. It sounded something like this: "Hi Drennan. . .wah wah wah [insert the noises the adults on the Peanuts make]. . .this is wah wah. . .wah wah wah wah wah would love to talk to you wah wah wah." And that was all I could make out. The caller sounded like a female voice. And she didn't leave a number. Now clearly, I have no idea who this was. And I think that the message was possibly left in the wee hours, although it's difficult to say for sure--the power had gone out the night before, and I know that my time stamp thingy was off. So. . .if you left a message on my landline, and I never called back, please call again. It's best to call my cell number if you have it. I feel bad and a little concerned about the whole thing.

Also, this just in. Recently, I have had several people mention things like they wish I had a myspace or that they requested me as a myspace friend and that I ignored. So I've decided that, in the interest of communication, I will start being more active with the old myspace account.